Update

Pearl53April 24, 2005

Mother seems to be adjusting and in good spirits. She seems to be interacting nicely with the staff. Still too early to tell but so far so good.

Me, I have been sick with a cold since the day I put her in. (I rarely have colds.) Don't feel well at all today. Just resting mainly.

Mimi, to me also the hardest part of taking care of Mother was the feeling that the rest of the family had completely forsaken us. It just burned me up to be quite honest with you. No visits, no phone calls, no nothing for long periods. Then ocassionally a visit or a nice card, but not very often. My depression over this was one of the biggest problems I dealt with. My sister would come for a visit maybe every other month and hold Mother's hand and tell her "I think about you everyday." (She lives a 100 miles away but still.) As they say, love is spelled T-I-M-E.

The day I put Mother in, I felt so very all alone, although my SIL was with me that day. I felt like I had no friends.

But I KNEW I was doing the right thing and that was all that kept me going from hour to hour.

Then two days later my brother came over and told me several times that he supported me in putting Mother in. He meant it. I could tell from the way he said it. Believe me, this was a big relief to me. He also volunteered to look after the house and my pets (I have three cats) when I wanted to go on trips. This was also a big relief.

I am still just going from hour to hour. Don't know where I am headed from here really. But I know Mother is where she needs to be.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone for all of your wonderful words of kindness and support.

Pearl

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Patti541

Pearl, I have been wondering how it is going with you and your Mom. First of all, get well and take care of yourself...it sounds like your Mom is adjusting to her new surroundings. I am so glad you are getting some support for your actions from your brother now, that must mean a lot to you. I think when you wrote "I know Mother is where she needs to be", that says it all. And keep us updated...we all need to know we are not in this alone...

    Bookmark   April 24, 2005 at 3:20PM
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lasershow

Pearl, I am glad you posted to let us know how you're doing. I am certain the cold you have is your body's reaction to all the stress you've been under. Eventually stress manifests itself in the body somehow. Take good care of yourself and in these early days, just REST as much as possible. You need to heal.

Wishing you peace.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2005 at 3:28PM
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derryw

Glad to hear from you. Glad your Mom is adjusting...you will too, in time. Stress will do it to you. Know what you mean about your Sis...at least mine had the good excuse of distance...3K miles away. Rest up...may be best to not visit while the cold is acute. Shalom....Derry

    Bookmark   April 24, 2005 at 5:01PM
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heydeborah

Hi Pearl! i feel so bad in not replying to your posts! however, i am glad your mom is adjusting. believe it or not i do know how you feel! i have the mil who lives so close to us, but she never visits her son (my dh - al). and when she does visit - which is never! or calls - which is hardly ever - she says i think about you all the time, or i worry about you! i just feel so bad, i'm the one who wants to cry. she didn't even come over at Christmas, so if that isn't bad i don't know what is! i also feel like you, sad, tired and plain just yucky. i have started taking a morning walk, but since i just want to unwind i go the route where i don't know anyone just to go and "check" things out. is there anything that you always wanted to do, but never had the time to do it, maybe you might want to try it. i know too, that everyone and their dog, is giving you their worldy advice, just smile and nod your head and if you don't like what they say try and forget it! easier said than done! you have went through alot and it will take time to "get into the swing of things" again, i'm still trying!!! but it's nice to read your posts and see that you do seem to be adjusting well!! take care! debbie

    Bookmark   April 24, 2005 at 11:17PM
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mimi427

Hi Pearl,
Gosh, I'm so happy for you that your brother came by and told you he supported your decision. And thanks for sharing your feelings about feeling forsaken...I really don't want to turn into a bitter old depressed woman, but it's very hard to understand how they can just stay away..you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers, and it sounds as if you found a beautiful place for her. Now you need to take care of yourself. I was told a long time ago by a therapist, while I was going through an extremely stressful time, that your body will keep producing adrenaline and keep you at high gear as long as you are stressed; but, once the stress has ended, many times that is when people become susceptible to illness. So just try to take it easy now and get some well deserved rest. Be well, Mimi

    Bookmark   April 24, 2005 at 11:31PM
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Glitter53

Pearl, I'm so happy that your brother reasurred you about your decision: mind did the same for me, and it meant a lot. He and his wife even sent me roses the day Mom went in just to say thank you...They live several hours away, and it was a nice thought.

As for your cold...Sweetie, my astham is in full bloom now that I have time to do whatever I want to! Perhaps Mimi is right: we can hold off being ill while we're inundated with responsibilities, then watch out! ;-)

I'm happy to hear that you're at peace with your decision of placing your Mom...your times together will be so precious now that the mundane duties are someone else's responsibility.....As for others not visiting her when she was with you: THEIR LOSS! I don't know why that happens, why your family, Mimi's Mom's friends seem to drop off the face of the earth when this happens, but whatever the reason, it just does. As someone else said: maybe it reminds her friends of their own fragility, of time passing, of what they may be facing. But thankfully, our Moms are unaware of their absence for the most part, and it's US who feel they should do more. My best advice is to forget about them. Your family will one day know they weren't there enough....and you'll be holding your head up high, knowing YOU lovingly saw her through this.

For now, embrace your freedom now, knowing your Mom is in the right place, and in good care. Reaquaint yourself with all those things you set aside when you cared for your Mom...Refresh yourself.

Blessings
Linda

    Bookmark   April 25, 2005 at 8:33AM
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nora8

Pearl, Good to hear that your Mom has settled in and doing good. Take care of yourself....stress will do crazy things to our body...now is your time to get rested. Glad that your brother talked with you....so many times our family just doesn't "get it"....many times I think that they just chose to "stick their heads in the sand" as I like to say. What a loss for them....you are very strong and know that you are not alone....I thank God that I found this forum and all these wonderful friends....many times I have come and gotten support,wisdom or just "I care." Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....take care of you. God Bless, Nora

    Bookmark   April 25, 2005 at 9:13AM
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