Mom living with us soon

carrie630April 2, 2013

I have decided to have mom live with us.

Again, all of these posts have been so helpful, but while we can take care of her concerning food, etc. - what is she allowed to pay for out of her social security? How do you account for food?
Do I save receipts for just what she eats? It seems "petty" to me but I've already read that they are allowed to chip in for "utility" bills - and it does get cold where we live and we keep temps low

How do you determine these amounts?

We are elderly ALSO and are not wealthy so I don't want to have to incur extra expenses if she is allowed to pay without
it looking like we are trying to get money from her (if that is worded correctly... and to the point.. :0)

So, I save receipts for new clothes (she's not my size so not suspicion there), what about if she wants to treat me to lunch?
etc. etc. She won't pay bills here but she will want to spend some money, I know.

I really need guidance. Thanks so much I want to do the right thing so no one suspects any fraud - even though she doesn't have that much


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Are you her guardian? If you are keep every receipt. You will have to present these to the court for their approval. If not she can spend her income as she sees fit.

Better to have an written agreement signed by you and your Mom agreeing on amount for room and board, rent and other expenses, that she will give you each month.

Although she is your mom it might be better to find other living arrangements if you are worried about who pays for what.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2013 at 11:38PM
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Disregard my has been decided she will live in a very nice place which we have seen today and that will give her the best attention and care
we were lucky this room became available


    Bookmark   April 2, 2013 at 11:38PM
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Oh I really wasn't worried about who pays what...if that's what it sounded like...I remember someone who gives excellent information on this forum said "save your receipts"

    Bookmark   April 2, 2013 at 11:41PM
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Everything has changed. She will be in a wonderful place (and oh so expensive) because we don't think we could sleep at night since of late she's been experiencing some "confusion"...

I am glad she saved her money so at least for now, her room will be paid.

I will save receipts for anything she needs in the room - shower curtain, some new clothes, etc. etc.

We are making the right decision and she is so happy to leave her house and not have to take care of it. We lucked out.


    Bookmark   April 5, 2013 at 5:57PM
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Good luck to you and your mom in her new living situation. If she's experiencing confusion, it probably is the best move for her.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2013 at 7:04PM
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Thanks, Shambo

Well, now I AM confused. I got a call from the doctor/psych
and he said the only reason why she had "confusion" was because of the hospital stay (she's in rehab now - hospital was only for three days, no surgery just minor bowel obstruction (which is painful). He said she's experienced no confusion while in rehab (8 days). I forgot to ask him if she can continue to live alone while I get everything ready.

They started her on Aricept because he does feel she has very early dementia. Not sure what he based it on but I guess he gave her that test...

I decided not to have her live with us because it would be scary if she did have confusion at night and left out the front door - it's just not worth the worry.

She seems SO cooperative to leave her house/get rid of ALL her belongings - how is that possible? I am thinking she's just tired of the responsibility of bill paying, etc.

She's always been a "neat freak" and decorated very sparsely but nice and so that makes it so much easier....

Thanks, again

    Bookmark   April 6, 2013 at 9:19PM
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Be careful of the meds. None of the meds prescribed for AZ have been proven to help. I am assuming it is the same with dementia also. My pharmacists keeps up on things like this. Aricept gave my husband bleeding ulcers. His blood count was down to 6 before I realized he was sick. He was on several different kinds and one made him cry all the time.

I would get a comfort care document for your mother. That is what it's called in Kansas and has other names in other states. It is a document that keeps the homes from giving her meds that will prolong her life. It leans towards medication where the living will is to keep you off the machines.

Don't take any nice clothes/things, label everything and If you can, I would do her laundry. The home my husband stayed in washed extremely dirty clothes together. I brought home one of his shirts to repair, I laundered it, repaired and put an iron to it.....Wow it smelled like sh**.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2013 at 5:21PM
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Yes, I wondered about Aricept. Do I have the right to keep her off meds? I would not think so..


    Bookmark   April 12, 2013 at 7:32PM
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Yes, I had the right because I had a comfort care order signed by my husband's doctor. His legs were so swollen I had him taken off of everything and they returned to normal. They thanked me because a lot of people in their home had legs like that and they were looking into their situation.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2013 at 7:44PM
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definitely label all of her clothing including all underwear (permanent marker pen); Do her laundry yourself (or have it done outside of the home). Unless she is incompetent and a 'ward' of someone who is responsible for her assets, she should be able to spend whatever she wants on whoever she wants. The issue with 'receipts' is the Look Back period with MEDICARE if she runs out of money and Medicare has to pay for a nursing home.

My 99 year old Dad will be moving in with me in August - I really doubt he will outlive his money unless he has to go into a nursing home; that would happen if he is unable to feed, bathe, dress himself. I suspect if he had to go into a nursing home he would just 'give up' and die shortly thereafter.

I, too, am retired, living on Social Security and my savings (plus am a widow) so yes, he will be giving me a set amount every month; this is to cover additional food, part of the utilities, (heat/electric/cable TV), gasoline to take him places. wear and tear on my vehicle, etc.

In addition, he will have an aide two mornings a week to clean his part of this house (bathroom/bedroom/living area), do his laundry, and take him shopping which he will pay for.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2013 at 9:02PM
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As long as her Social Security comes in her own name (not with a "Representative Payee" or legal guardian) it can be spent any way she wants and she/you won't have to account for it.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2013 at 8:45AM
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I met a woman who cared for her mother and was paid by the state for doing it. I guess the state realizes it's much cheaper to pay wages for a care taker than medicaid paying $4,000. plus for a care home. Since she told me that I have read about it.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2013 at 9:05AM
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CA Kate

Hospital stays or anything out of the ordinary can cause temporary confusion in the elderly.

Also, lack of water/fluids can cause dementia-like symptoms too. Many times elderly will stop drinking because they have trouble getting to the toilet "on time" and they are embarrassed and so don't drink.

After all that has happened to DH I've become very leary about all these medications that some doctors are so quick to prescribe.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2013 at 2:33PM
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>>The issue with 'receipts' is the Look Back period with MEDICARE if she runs out of money and Medicare has to pay for a nursing home. >>

This is incorrect, and a very common misconception. Medicare DOES NOT pay for long-term nursing care. They will pay for convalescent care up to a maximum of 120 days provided the patient goes directly from hospital to a licensed facility (which may be a nursing home, convalescant facility, or a combination thereof) under doctor's orders.

It is MEDICAID that pays for long term nursing care, and Medicaid is funded 50/50 by federal and state governments in equal shares. Thus, eligibility and certain rules will differ between states because the states have more control over spending Medicaid $$. If a state is having budget trouble, they may not be able to fully match federal funding, leading to budget cuts.

Medicaid goes by different names in different states. In CA, for example, it is called Medi-Cal.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2013 at 6:49PM
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I think sometimes someone will say medicare when they mean medicaid and it should be corrected because we are learning here. I do it when carrying on a conversation but not usually writing or typing because I proof read everything. I am a good typist but some times I leave out a word, or the r off of you so I proof it.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2013 at 7:16PM
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