Not getting any easier....

Glitter53March 23, 2005

My patience is wearing thin, unfortunately. Thank heavens where my patience leaves, my hubby's takes over. Mom's dementia is galloping right along, and altho' the Respiradone is helping as far as her not hallucinating as much anymore, earler today she asked my hubby "where's that girl that was here?". Meaning me. My tummy flipped at that one. She could spend half an hour playing with the water from the basin tap in the bathroom, and arranging and re-arranging things on the counter. When she leaves, the water is still turned on. She walks so stopped over now.....that's sad to see. When I sit with her she just converses softly, and if I don't respond, she just keeps talking away, almost oblivious that I'm there, and I can't even understand what she's talking about. If I answer, I'm usually wrong. ;-/ I asked her earlier today, when she went for a nap, if she wanted her door open or closed, and she said "up to you. they'll get in anyway. you talk to them." Sheesh. Only my hubby and me here...She still asks when we're going home....goes into her room and asks me if she can sleep there....I guess what I'm wondering, is...where is this all going?! Will she eventually forget our names? Who we are? I've never been close to anyone who ever went thru something like this. What's next?

Both our doc and her neurologist suggested putting her name on a nursing home list. I never thought it would get to that point, but.....if she stops knowing who we are.....and gets more agitated at me (in particular)....We're not getting younger, and she's been with us for over 10 years....Is it wrong to hope she leaves peacefully, in our care, instead of somewhere else?

Sorry...just tired tonight and had to put some thoughts together...thanks for letting me think out loud for a while....



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It's just a good idea to shop around and find the most suitable nursing home. Then put her on their list. You never know what may happen to you that you could not care for her. Accidents do happen and finding a NH in a hurry is not good. It's good to be prepared even though you may never need to move her. She may stay at this level of awareness for a long time. It's hard to say what's going to happen next.

    Bookmark   March 23, 2005 at 10:47PM
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Linda, my thoughts are with you. My uncle sometimes refers to me as "she." Tonight he wanted me to get a spoon for him to eat something that was not even there, but he insisted he had cooked it earlier, and wanted to eat it. I finally managed to talk him out of it, and tell him he could have been dreaming about "cooking." It is very difficult to manage them when they get to that point...I can somewhat identify with what you are going through.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2005 at 12:44AM
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Thank you, PeeBee: yes, there are waiting lists, so no decision has to be made immediately, so that's good; I never thought of the 'other' reason you gave, that of one of us getting into some medical difficulty...good grief...

Patti: ah, yes....the old "you must have dreampt it" response. ;-) I know we're not supposed to talk them out of their thoughts that someone visited (they just left),etc, but when it's something that we're called upon to do something about, there's always the 'dream' scenario.
Sorry you're going thru the same things with your Uncle...that must have unique difficulties for you...


    Bookmark   March 24, 2005 at 7:56AM
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Hi Linda! I've been thinking of you often this week, and i feel for you. knowing the way our government works, i think i would put her name of that waiting list, and who knows how long it will be before her name comes up (i for instance have had my name on a waiting list for respite care for exactly 4years and one week!), at least you have your name there and you can always say no and then your name goes on again. i know here that the city owned nursing homes have a 3 year waiting list, because i eaves dropped on the lady beside al in emerg. last time he was in. i also remember the dear,dear man who lives across the street from us, he was forgetful, couldn't remember the way to the golf course, i mentioned this to his son who came to vist one summer, and told him his dad didn't want me to tell anyone, but i did out of love for this dear man. they took him to the doctor and he had the early stages of Alz. obviously he got worse, and i remember that sad day when they packed his suitcase and told him they were going on a short trip, and i never saw him again, they put him in the psych. hospital here - when it was open. he was so nice, loved the kids give me pernnials (of which i have named one of my pernnial beds "Tony's garden" and he was just like a dad to me. he did live at the psych. hospital for years and finally passed on. sorry for rambling on here, but i guess what i'm saying is with the mcguinty government the way it is, i think i would put my name down and worry about it when your name comes up. cloudy wet snow and waiting for spring! debbie

    Bookmark   March 24, 2005 at 11:18AM
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Hi ((((((Linda))))))... Ten years is a long time. I had Mom for over ten years, but many were good years. I know it's your desire for your precious mother to pass peacefully in your care. I, too, longed for this and understand the turmoil you're experiencing. It's heartbreaking to see how she's declining. I can't remember - do you have any help with her??? I think the girls have given good advice by suggesting that her name be put on a list. My salvation came from the Lord - I cried out to Him daily for mercy, grace, and strength and He was Faithful to help me. May God have mercy and bless you and your dear mother. ~breezy

    Bookmark   March 24, 2005 at 6:19PM
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Thank you, Debbie...I had to smile when you wrote that he couldn't find his way to the golf course...I think that no matter how old my dear hubby gets or how forgetful, I don't think he'll EVER forget his way there! ;-D Sorry for your neighbour...Sandra's are a sweetie!! We didn't get the snow that pelted you, and it's all melting today again! Most people are in spring coats and shoes already as sidewalks, etc are dry and lots of grass is showing up again...SPRING! Woohoo!!!

AhhhhBreeze...still love that name!! I have my kitchen window open (Mom's napping;-) and there's the coolest breeze coming in now...ahhhhhh...;-D
Thank you for your kind and gentle thoughts. Yes, I keep everyone in my prayers, and sometimes I even remember me! I have prayed for patience and understanding and most of the time those prayers are answered. It's so hard now, as she gets really weepy out of nowhere...talks about her family...and asks me when she's going to get better...So very sad for them to go through this...I will call next week and put her name on a few lists and keep on keepin' on...Blessings to you, Ahbreeze and to everyone on this board...Linda

    Bookmark   March 26, 2005 at 11:32AM
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Hi Glitter,

Oh My...none of this is easy, I know. When our parents experience episodes of dimentia, it can take our breath away. It can be funny, sad and scarry, all at the same time. But, they are our parents, and we hate to see them any way but strong and confident. I am going through much of the same with my Mom and it breaks my heart. Sometimes, all I can do is sit with her in silence and hold her hand.

Keep a good thought.


    Bookmark   March 30, 2005 at 10:27AM
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