Don't know what to do - Long
For the past 20 yrs. my friend and I have lived next door to her parents,
taking care of them the best we could. (The house is a double which her father owns.)
My friends mother died in July so now, she is the primary care giver of sorts.
We both work, so the most we can do for him is give him a hot supper at night.
Otherwise he is home alone all day.
Since she lives next door, her other 3 siblings feel that he is her responsibility.
He's 87 and we think he has dementia or alzheimers. He's mostly blind, has very
few teeth, shuffles when he walks and is an alcoholic. Lately he doesn't know
what day it is or what time of day it is.
He had surgery for prostate cancer 3 yrs. ago. He has not been back to the Dr.
since and has always refused to get any kind of medical care. He had a UTI
and almost went into shock. That's how they discovered the prostate cancer.
He has recently become very resentful and angry that she doesn't spend more
time with him - and has come up with some wild stories about me stealing
from him and turning my head when he talks to me, etc. He sometimes
refused the meals my friend brings over for him.
You never know from one day to the next what kind of mood he will be in or when
he's going to have an angry outburst.
The problem is that we don't know what to do. The rest of the family doesn't
want to intervene because they don't experience his behavior like we do.
They feel like it's his house and he has a right to stay in it and he also has a
legal right to refuse medical care. They don't want to go through the process of
getting guardianship and refuse to have him declared incompetent.
They all just want to wait it out. We've talked about moving out, which would
put us in a financial bind, and leave him completely alone - which we hate to do.
My friend is very angry and really doesn't want to be stuck taking care of him.
I know that sounds cold and cruel - but she understands now what her mother was going through - and couldn't escape and is very resentful. It a big mess.
She doesn't see any use in contacting any social agencies because she doesn't think they can help. He refuses to leave the house or to have anyone come in
even as a companion for a few hours. I'm at a loss. Can anyone help?