I need help - but I just hate asking for it

toomuchglassFebruary 20, 2011

This post is kind of a reversal of the theme of the forum . Care giving ... I've always been the "care giver" .... if anyone is sick or needs help - I'm there . now I'm in the position to need short term care . I'm getting a new hip on Tuesday.

I know this sounds totally crazy ~~~~ but I find it almost impossible for me to ask for help . I haven't told anyone I'm going in for surgery . I know I'll need help because DH works long hours during the day. I just keep saying , "I'll be Ok " . Why do I do this ??? Am I the only one that does this ?

All my friends are my age with their own problems. I just can't figure myself out . I'd love to hear your opinions & stories . I'll be in the hospital till Friday - but I'll be reading here. Any ideas ?

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YES! ASK! Call all your friends and ask for a couple of hours of their time. Check with your neighbors, too. All you want are a couple of hours here and there.

I'm waiting to hear from my doc's scheduler, and then I'm going in for the same, a new hip. Are your having the minimally invasive technique? Talk to the hospital staff and your doctor's staff immediately. What do they recommend? Can you go into a rehab facility for a few days?

ASK. Your friends will be happy to help. Get your home set up so that you can be on one level during your alone hours, a place to lay down and the bathroom, and set yourself up with edibles, too. Move the TV if need be, lock the front door, and get comfortable. Just relax. Make sure that you have a phone always with you and have a neighbor with a key or hide one outside.

Yeah, we have a tough time asking for help, but now is the time to do it!

When do you have surgery?

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 12:27AM
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Hi - y'know what? People WANT to help. Think of this: if you had a friend or relative who had an operation, didn't tell you until after, and didn't ask for a bit of help, would you be hurt? Would you want to do what you could to help them out? Well, you're not alone in that. Most do.

I would much rather have someone tell me what they need and ask for my help than not include me. That would make me wonder about the sincerity of our friendship, if she wouldn't share that with me.

Best wishes for a successful surgery and recovery.


    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 9:05AM
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A lot depends on your personality. I have had several surgeries and I asked for help ONLY when I knew that I would be needing something special.

Why? Because I don't want anyone around while I am feeling bad. I would rather rest quietly alone than have to be polite to a friend or relative. All you have to say, when they offer to help is, "I'll be sure to call you if I need help." GOOD friends will understand.

Yes, people want to help. But ask yourself if you really need or want to have them around. Ask your doctor if you need to have someone. Sometimes, it's better to hire someone for a few hours for baths, etc. for a few days. Perhaps your husband could even take a few days off, or even just work half days for a while.

Your doctor may reccommend that you move around as much as possible with your new hip.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 1:47PM
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I would imagine that the biggest problem will be toileting. You can spend most of the day in bed or lying on a couch, but you'll need assistance with going to the bathroom. That's where having your husband around for a few days could be very helpful. Getting to & from the bathroom aren't embarrassing, but you might actually need help for a few days with pulling down undies, etc. You'd need a really good friend for that kind of help or, as agnespuffin suggested, hiring some outside help.

Your best guidance will come from your doctor and the hospital staff. But definitely, you need some help for the first week. You do not want to run the risk of a fall just because you didn't ask for help.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 7:13PM
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You are not being released from the hospital without some good skills, and you'll be able to go to the bathroom okay. If you have real trouble, the case worker will suggest that you go to a rehab/nursing home for a little more intense PT before you go home.

I went to the pre-surgical class at the hospital, and I am greatly encouraged. But my husband will be able to work from home for a couple of days.

Surgery tomorrow? You'll be on your feet by tomorrow night. Please check in if at all possible. Our prayers are with you.

I know you'll do fine!

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 7:31PM
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Hi toomuch... Today is Tuesday, and prayerfully your hip surgery went well. It will be two weeks tomorrow that my sister had her hip replaced with the minimally invasive procedure. She is doing wonderfully! I spent a week with her to help with her meals and laundry. However, she did the bathroom, showering, and dressing herself. Her other hip was done the traditional way and rehab was much slower...

If you attend a church, did you let anyone there know of your surgery? Oftentimes, the church family will be very helpful.

    Bookmark   February 22, 2011 at 6:34PM
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I hope you have computer access and can read this.... how are you doing? I'm sending all the healing thoughts straight your way, let us know how you are!

    Bookmark   February 23, 2011 at 9:35PM
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I am back home & the surgery went great ! Pain was unbearable at first . Thank goodness for painkillers. I did have to ask for help even for the littlest thing. I feel so helpless having to rely on the kindness of others - I just hate that feeling ! Maybe that's the reason I hate to ask for help . Tuesday was surgery - I came home Thursday and by Sat. I was dressing myself & going potty on my own. I still need alot of help ,but I'll just have to grin & bear it .

**PS - I don't know if this surgery was "miminally invasive" ...... I have an 8" scar and 24 staples !

    Bookmark   February 27, 2011 at 8:13PM
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Wow, that some incision! I hope you continue to heal in such a speedy fashion! You are my good example!

Yes, I know what you mean about hating to ask for anything ---- many of us are too da**ed independent for out own good sometimes. But you know that people do want to help. And your friends may be actually hurt if you don't ask for some help. I've thought about this for myself, too. I plan to ask a friend whgo I see for lunch every couple of weeks to pick up some sandwiches and come here for lunch one day. And I'll ask someone to drive me just once. All because I know my friends want to help.

How about asking a friend to bring over dinner some evening? Little things mean a lot.

I am so glad to hear that you are doing so well, and that pain meds do indeed work. Take care, and let me know how it goes. I'm still waiting to hear from surgeon who is waiting to hear from my insurance company.

    Bookmark   February 27, 2011 at 9:37PM
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Good Luck in your surgery !!! Darn insurance companies - they keep you hanging . I can't wait to be pain free - it'll be such a sensational feeling !!!!
I have a few "little favors" in mind to accept help from my friends. I have to quit being so stubborn !!!

    Bookmark   February 28, 2011 at 10:31AM
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Too Much, I'm so glad your sugery went well and you are on the road to recovery. It is hard to ask for help, but I'm sure all your friends know how hard it is for you--but they want to help if you just tell them what you need. You have such a big heart and you know you do those things for others, once in awhile you just need to be on the receiving end you know! ;o) God bless and here's wishing yo a speedy recovery so you can get back to the fun stuff.


    Bookmark   March 4, 2011 at 12:20PM
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