Mom is lonley and demanding
Im going to try to be brief.... My mother was a only child and a British Warbride.Married and moved to the states,worked in an office , had 2 kids My brother and I.
She never learned to drive (my father took her to work every day, picked her up for lunch took her back and picked her up at the end of the day.(he had his on business soo was able to. He took her everywhere she needed to go... get the picture?? Well, Dad (I was a Daddys girl) Died in 98, my uncle then took over driving her around but he died in 99. in 2000 after one of her friends called me to say "you have to move her closer to you" (what she was really saying is get her outa here shes to needy and dependant on her friends) So we moved her to the city where we (my husband and I) lived. She was in a retirement community, you know dining room and trips etc.. She still was always asking "When am I going to see you" every day. I did my best (while working) to see her and take her out etc... FAST FORWARD-- we bought a vacation house in a mountain community and decided to live there full time ( I had retired) I offered Mom to go to a new retirement place 20 miles from me (closest one) but she said the town was to small for her liking and moved to one near my brother (Better Trips in a large city 2 hrs from me) Ok , what ever.... I tried to visit 1x month and she basicly was putting all her guilt trips on my brother . Well, recently we decided her money was running out and we had to move her again... the only option was to a regular apartment 1 mile from where I live. I never dreamed in a million years what this would really mean... I started out by cooking all her meals and bringing them over every day... then planning an outing once a week shopping etc and then dinner at our house on sunday. She was still demanding telling me she needed me to come more to break up her day... I hired a wonderful lady who could take her 1 day a week to the hair dresser ,shopping etc. but still not enough.. I recently went on a 1 week vacation (had to make arrangements for my brother to stay 3 days and the 1 day helper and I made all the meals for her fridge, which by the way were still there when I returned as she only eats cheese and sweets (diabetic too)))and decided then that cooking all these different meals for us and my mother was to much for me..(oh, I do work from home now as a jewelry artist and painter , although my mother doesnt seem to think thats work and she should be able to interupt when ever she wants... After returning from my week away I decided I was not going to make her meals anymore (we were going to order them from a delivery service) and that I also was not going to visit every day... My brother also informed her of this fact and that I also have a Husband and life).. I am still looking for activities for her and took her yesterday to the closest senior center (shes 85 , by the way) we had lunch and met some nice people...she liked it! so now I have to try to find transportation for her as we live 20 miles thru the country from the place. I was so happy I finally thought she would find something to make her happy. But No!!! this morning she calls me up and says ya know, I think you need to hire someone to come over here every day if you cant come. I said what about the senior center? it would be great if you could go twice a week... and she says oh , I dont know , maybe when the weather gets better... (those are her famous words..she wont even walk 20 yds to her mail box until the weather gets better..(we live in the south) .. basicly, my Mother is selfish and only thinks about herself.. I never got along with her my whole life as I am a real independant type and have made my own life. and she was sooo dependant. I resent her more every day and am even thinking "gee, what would it take to put her in a nursing home" I guess by now you all think wow , what a horrible daughter.... me too sometime ... but there you have it. there is really so much more but no time here... I hope some of you have had this type of experience and maybe can give me some needed advise... gail