Elderly Parents 'Vacation'

ginnierJanuary 23, 2006

Well, not really a true vacation, but a visit to an independent facility while hubby and I go on vacation for a week. Since I am their transportation and main source of entertainment and recreation beyond their home, I want them to go for a short visit while we are gone. At first mom was willing, dad will do whatever mom wants (grudgingly) but he says that this makes sense. Now mom is back peddling. I'm looking for support, good reasons, new angles to build my case. We have been there to eat, food was really good! We have taken the tour, people were friendly and there's lots going on, even off-campus things to go to. Mom's afraid her oxygen accumulator (that she has to have at night only) is too heavy for us to move, how heavy is that thing??? It can't be THAT heavy. Anyway, Mom is mostly sedentary, watches TV, does crosswords, plays a hand held solitaire game and likes to read, can still chat a little, play a little bridge. Dad still goes anywhere he can get a ride, lunch out with the guys, exercise club 3X a week, but he's a bump on a log at home, does VERY easy jigsaws, reads a little, orders everything he can to read/stare at; he's change mucho!

This is a great opportunity for them to try independent living...even tho they'd be in a guest room, not really the same as an apt. in their facility. They would have people checking on them, really caring about what they are up to and how they are doing, which I will not be able to do while I'm gone.

How have you succeeded in getting your loved ones to make this move, even if only temporary???

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fairegold

I think that this is a great idea. If Mom is having second thoughts, I'd enlist Dad to help convince her. And just do it! It's called Respite Care, and a cople of apartments where Mother used to live are furnished for just exactly that use. A couple of the people have used this as a way to test the waters, so to speak, but I should think it's nice to know that it isn't permanent.

I guess that when I got Mother to move here 3-1/2 years ago, I did it by sheer will. I told her that we simply HAD to do this, it was the only thing that works.

You're at that delicate point where the child is becoming the parent. Boy, can I relate! But sometimes you have to put your foot down and make something happen. This is for a week, you badly need the vacation for yourself, and this is your only solution. Tell your Mother that she needs to do this for you, because your mental and physical health is in danger if you don't take care of yourslef. What would your parents do if you could not longer help them? So take care of yourself.

Let me know how this is going.

Helene

    Bookmark   January 24, 2006 at 11:29AM
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heydeborah

What a gret idea, i agree too, you and your dh need some alone time and vacation time. i wish it was me! (sorry-lol). we have this organization called Westway, it was started by a church and now is open to anyone, if you can get it!!! i have been on the waiting list for 3 years this march, no i have not had a break at all, so if you can tell them maybe it's a mini vacation for them, maybe they might not give you such a hard time. probably after they've been there afew hours they'll probably be having a great time, it's like when your kids don't want to go somewhere then they get there they don't want to leave. you could also promise mom and dad a special treat when you come to pick them up. we also have a respite care facility where Alz. patients are and anyone who needs a break they can send their loved one there, for us even though it is by our house the 50.00 plus taxes is out of the question per day. things always do work themselves out, enjoy yourselves and tell us all about it when you get back, we need to hear some good things here! it's snowing and blowing up north!!! debbie

    Bookmark   January 24, 2006 at 12:26PM
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mariend

You might gently remind them if you don't get your vacation you might not be around to continue to take care of them in the future. Sometimes we children have to be parents to out parents and be more forceful. Now I am getting to the age etc that I am training my kids to be parents to us.

    Bookmark   January 24, 2006 at 8:38PM
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ginnier

Thanks everybody for the support and ideas! They have signed up for 10 days which is perfect! Mom is usually pretty strong, "I will do this somehow" type attitude, but every few weeks she has a real puny spell. She's never been able to explain what's wrong, but she gets pale and woozy, hangs her head like she's about ready to fall. Really scary, but she just wants to get to her rocker and the heating pad and blanket to rest. In a few hours she is usually better. I'm beginning to wonder if it's just the way she handles pressure, then we all begin to expect a little less of her as a result. She's going to do this...and then I'll wonder if I can really go out of state. Guilt, I know. I talked to the Sales Manager at the facility and she's assured me that they are expecting my folks for 10 days plus. Mom has already arranged to have an O2 accumulator delivered for her temporary use there... So we are heading in the right direction anyway...still have some time for problems to arise. I'll be sure to pack her toasty bed throw and heating pad.

    Bookmark   January 24, 2006 at 9:18PM
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gw:jean-2006

ginnier, how did it go? I really, really like this idea.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2006 at 8:15PM
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ginnier

My folks got along fairly well as far as I know...they are still filling in the full picture. They DID get to know the lady next door who actually had a cat!!! I wondered if they would try. I am so glad they are actually talking about moving there now. Well, they each have mentioned it, but when they are together, one'll say that the other doesn't want to move YET. Mom said this morn that she didn't know how she would get all her stuff there!!! I told her we would do the moving and not to worry about doing it herself. I need to emphasize that she needs to choose WHAT to take in the way of furniture. She won't need all of the furniture. So, I'm not trying to rush them, but I do want them to pursue the idea of moving...I'm tempted to call the facility and see what they have available and where in the building it is located... Mom is really lonely since Dad has become very quiet these days.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2006 at 9:20PM
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