I need advise

odessa1976January 25, 2011

Please help me.I am 52 years old, working almost full time(90%). My husband was diagnosted with cancer 2 years ago and lost his job. Right now he is receiving a EI until October and having a chemo treatment after treatment, nor fit to work. Hopefully he will be to apply for disability, however it wont be a lot of money. We have 2 grown up girls, who are living separate. We came to Canada 17 years ago and my parents immigrated to israel. 7 years ago, when my husband was healthy and both of us had a good income we decided to sponsor my parents. It took us 6 years to receive an okay. meantime my father died and asked me take care of my mother. She is a 83 years old, lives in nice apartment, got some stipend from the goverment, lot of friends and actually not a bad life. Now she is obsessed with an idea to come and live with me. She does not care, that she will loose her money, will have to live on my money, not having any friends and be home bound, + a language barrier, she doesn not speak any english. I feel cornered, from one side i promised my father on his deathbed, but who knew that from 100.000 a year we will come to live on my salary, which is barely 32.000. I can not afford to take care of 2 people and she will be definetely miserable here, during a winter and not having her friends. But I am only one child and due to my upbringing having a strong responsibility issuies. I am so tired of it. What I am suppose to do now?

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Forget the promise to your father. He did not know what was going to happen with your husband. I can't imagine that he would agree to your mother doing such a thing as moving in with you. If he could, he would probably tell her to stay where she is so she wouldn't create an additional burden for you.

    Bookmark   January 25, 2011 at 8:19PM
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I'll agree with Agnes. You ARE taking good care of your mother, so don't feel guilty, and don't let her make you feel bad. Take what's already on your plate. Tell her that you cannot have her in your home right now. And stand your ground. It's most important that you take care of YOU, so don't add to your burden.

If you need more backup to stand your ground against her demands, just let us know. It won't do anyone any good if you are overwhelmed and unable to take care of anyone!

    Bookmark   January 26, 2011 at 6:43PM
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