husband builds custom homes, we live in a trailer!

faeriegroveOctober 5, 2007

I've been married 16 years to a mostly wonderful man -- good father, provider, easy temperament. I'm not a demanding person, but don't you think after 16 years of living in a dumpy trailer ('79 Marlette to be exact!) he could build us a house? When the subject comes up, he refuses to talk about it. All I want is something really basic, 1400 sq.ft. would be ample, much simpler than what he usually builds. It's not a money issue either. We have plenty. I know the saying "the cobblers children have no shoes...." but this is getting really old. I just don't understand why we are always last on his list. Today I just called and ordered some firewood to be delivered because I am tired of waiting for him to cut it. He will be furious but that's too bad. If something needs fixed, I will call a fix-it person. Does this sound unreasonable? He finds it insulting, like how would I feel if he hired a housekeeper...actually, I wouldn't mind one bit! Then, maybe we could go do something FUN for a change!

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jasonmi7

I was going to mention the cobblers' children.

You should get some house/realtor brochures and start leaving them around....maybe someone'll get the hint....

    Bookmark   October 5, 2007 at 9:00AM
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landp

16 years, huh. Use this approach: he works far too hard to have to come home and start fixing broken, leaky things and chopping wood. As a younger man, fine...we all expect to work like dogs while we're establishing ourselves. But the time has come for you to spend more down time together as a family. It's not a weakness, nor is it laziness to rest in the evenings and on weekends. You have sacrificed and saved for a reason! So you don't have to live like misers until your burial day. And only the Lord Himself could possibly fit building an additional home--at the same time--into his workload! If this (over a little time) doesn't work, tell him you'll be taking your 50% and moving to a real house. The trailer will be a great office for him. Or a home, if he chooses not to move with you. And no, I'm not kidding.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 10:57AM
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faeriegrove

Well, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else really....We live on the most beautiful property, where I have worked for years planting gardens, orchards and vineyards. I raise most of our own food, meat and eggs from our land. With all that I have invested I don't have the energy or desire to start over somewhere else. This is the lifestyle I've always wanted.... I just want my husband to be more a part of it! And.... to build us a simple home. Come to think of it, maybe I'll get some manufactured home brochures and see what he thinks of that! When we first bought the property he wanted to haul off this trailer and build, being a builder - he hated the thought of living in a trailer! Then, it was only going to be "temporary".... now, it seems we'll never get out!

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 2:13PM
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olliesmom

quietplace, sounds like you've been more than patient, and now he needs to build his lovely wife, who deserves it, and who he loves so much-a real house!

Why would you even think of another manufactured home, especially since he is a builder and it seems you have enough money to afford to build a home? It just sounds like you are settling again. Just wondering...

    Bookmark   October 11, 2007 at 7:15PM
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faeriegrove

olliesmom, the manufactured home idea was just a joke.... a way to help him see how anxious I am -- that I would settle for just about anything, even knowing he is a builder. I am running out of angles and don't know what else to do. I really hate to nag him because he is so hard-working and kind -- he just doesn't seem to care about what WE live in. He's johnny on the spot when anyone calls and wants him to run right over and fix something or talk about THEIR house plan ideas. It's getting really old hearing people say "so when are you going to build a house?" People assume that is what builders do, live in nice houses. It's kind of embarrassing, really. He comes from a really frugal upbringing... maybe he feels he doesn't deserve a nice house for us. Kind of like the recent story of the billionare who liked giving all his money away, didn't own a house or a car and wore a $15 watch. He probably didn't have a wife, either!!!!

    Bookmark   October 15, 2007 at 1:33PM
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ccoombs1

The reason the cobbler's children have no shoes is because the cobbler is too busy making shoe's for other people's kids. He doesn't want someone else to make them because that would be stupid....HE is the best cobbler around and can do it himself and he will....someday.

So that's where you are. DH probably planned to build a house for his family, but he's too busy and would never dream of hiring another builder to do what he is able to do....if only he had the time.

Seriously....you might give some thought to a nice modular home or a double wide. a double wide is a terriible investment (they depreciate very fast) but if this is your forever home, then the investment isnt really a factor. Start shopping around, bring home brochures, just tell DH how much you NEED a home you can be proud of and since he has no time to build you one, you are getting a double-wide.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2007 at 3:44PM
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woodswell

quietplace,
I'd get a plan put together and give DH a chance to look it over. Then how about talking to some of the subs your husband uses? Get them to help you start the house without DH - for instance, if your DH is like many contractors these days, he and his subs are not working as many hours as they were last year. So in between other jobs, have his concrete guys pour a foundation, framers work on parts, etc.

In other words, just DO it. If your DH has good subs that he has worked with for a long time, I'd bet they would love to help as a favor to your DH if not for you. I'm not talking about them doing it for free, but at going rates in between other jobs.

I'd bet if you got it started, your DH would pick up the project and finish.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2007 at 6:54PM
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