All of a sudden I feel like a bad mom!!!

BritttaMay 3, 2005

Ok, last night I get this phone call... "We need muffins and bake sale-type items for the Grandparents Day concert on Wednesday...yadda yadda". I say SURE! I can make something. Well... while at the store getting stuff to make 2 different kinds of muffins, I saw these buy 1 get one free muffins... the same exact flavor I was going to make, mind you... that looked way bigger and better than mine turn out. Mine are good, but c'mon... these are already made.

I drop them off at school while picking up kid #3 from preschool, and said "I'm a bad mom (except I WAS KIDDING) and bought these instead of made them... sorry!" Know what she said??? "Well, we'll try to make them look homemade. Thanks anyway!"

HUH?????????? So if I would have brought them home, threw them on a platter and wrapped them with my own tinfoil, I would get kudos?? It's not enough that I bought these and am bringing in something instead of NOTHING like some parents??

Uggggg. This really bugs me! Nevermind the fact that (by State of Michigan health codes) we're not allowed to bring in homemade food for snacks at the preschool, but we're allowed to bring the ingredients and use the school kitchen if we want so they can verify the quality control (IE: they don't know how clean we keep our kitchens, but they know how clean there's is).

Maybe I'm just PMSing. Grrrrr.

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Sorry about the PMSing comment ;) Yet another time I wish we could delete our own threads!

And in case it read like I was expecting kudos for my part in this, I wasn't... but I didn't appreciate being kind of looked down upon for not baking.

My DH just told me that's my guilt reading into it because I usually do "super mom" stuff for my kids and this was the "quick fix", which is a first for me. Maybe he's right.

But still. She didn't have to say "Thanks ANYAY."

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 11:52AM
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Ouch! Bless your heart, Brittta. I don't think you're a bad Mom, but I do think that woman should have known better than to insult you for bringing store-bought goodies. Sometimes people say things that sound better in their heads than they do in our ears. I grew up with a mother who would say stuff like that - sometimes on purpose and sometimes just without thinking -and I'm still working on letting it roll off my back, so I do understand.

Maybe she didn't mean to be insulting, but it just came out wrong.

Then again, maybe she's just a passive-agressive b*tch.

Either way, don't let it upset you. You're a good Mom!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 12:04PM
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Oh, you youthful Moms...We have so much to teach you!!!

This is how it's done: You go to the local Mart/Grocery. You buy something that could pass as homemade gourmet. You show up at school having transferred it to a platter with sloppy Glad Wrap over the top. Before making an appearance you mix a paste of flour and dough and dab your clothes with it and then get a little plain flour on your clothes, face, maybe hair. You walk in just in time for the bell and say, "I'm sorry!!!! I've been up since 4:00 this morning baking these. I hope they're OK!!!

Don't worry about PMS-ing. Still doing it regularly at 50 (Sigh). Think I might choke someone today ~ either that or cocktail hour is coming at 3:00!!! Us Southern Ladies didn't invent "Mint Julep Tea (taken at mid-day) for nuthin' honey!

TNYourSchoolOfKnowledgeOnHowToPlayTheSystemCharminglyLady ~
Y'allllllll ~~~~~~~~~ (said with a sweet drawl!!)

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 2:05PM
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That is sooooo bad, TNLady! Clever ~ but bad! I wouldn't have thought about dabbing the clothes with dough. Bwaaaahhhhaaaaaahhhhaaaaaa!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 2:18PM
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Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you set yourself up. You pronounced yourself a "bad mom", kidding or not. Maybe she didn't want to contradict you.
It's like pointing out all the faults you see in your new house. Nobody but you even sees it, why would you point it out? That said, I do it all the time!
Don't beat yourself up~

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 2:23PM
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nycefarm... you couldn't have said it better! I set myself up! I do that all the time... maybe a defense mechanism? (Had to laugh about the new house errors... guilty as charged, only in terms of my paint jobs or pictures hung slightly off kilter).

TNLady... That's what I was originally going to do (minus the flour paste!) except I thought no.. I have the stuff here, I'll drop it off now so I don't have to carry it tonight. See if I do that again!

I'm sure it was definately a combo of my being defensive because I don't usually do that stuff, her trying to "agree" with the bad mom thing (only not carrying it off too well!) and just being crabby in general today.

Did I mention I'm having both my in-laws here tomorrow for this Grandparents Day concert? They're recently divorced and can't stand to be in the same room together. This should be fun!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 3:24PM
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Britta stop beating yourself up for not beating the eggs/flour by hand! Most kids don't even know the difference between store bought and homemade anyway and the grandparents won't eat much of anything. They go to these school functions to see their grandchildren perform. NOT EAT! My experience with 3: most of the food will be eaten by the kids not the grandparents and the grandparents are just happy to be there!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 4:36PM
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Oh please give up being a supermom. I am convinced those women are heavily medicated and/or greatly unhappy under all those smiles! And the real bad moms, well we won't even go there, but we all know what they do.

I like to think of myself as the family manager. The family manager can not perform all 100 jobs at the same time. Sometimes, something has got to give. Store bought muffins won't kill anyone, and hey- you had a deadline! Today cnn money had something about all of the hours stay at home moms put in and their many tasks: chaffeur, chef, laundress, school/homework help, personal shopper, nurse, counselor, housekeeper, accountant, event planner. The average annual salary would be about $135,000 with all of the overtime (100 hrs per week)- that is IF it was a paying job.

Now I must go watch the monster trucks video w/ 3 year old once again. It is growing on me.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 4:54PM
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I want to know HOW the school lady was going to make them look more homemade -- sit on 'em? -- burn the bottoms? WHAT?

We will expect a full report on just how far the temperature dropped in the room after your in-laws saw one another at the concert.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 6:22PM
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Well... lets put it this way. Both of them live in the Detroit area, both of them hate driving on the expressway (bad night vision, etc), and yet one is leaving at 6am on a 4 hour train ride that should take 2 hrs by car, and one is driving, leaving during peak rush hour in downtown Detroit to arrive here at 9-10am and the concert isn't till noon.

All I have to say is my DH is DARN lucky he's not working tomorrow. I honestly think if it weren't for my son's concert, and the fact DH missed the parents program tonight because of work, he would have done everything possible to not be around for this!! :)

I'm making stuffed cabbage (golubki for you Polish people) for dinner before they leave. OH... and at this very moment I'm in the process of making muffins ROFL!!! Yeppers, the ones I bailed on this afternoon. Hey... I had the ingredients.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 10:20PM
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BTW, the concert was AWESOME! The kids (K-5) worked so hard on all their routines, props, etc. I cried. As soon as the lights went down for the first song I cried. My big guy is growing up... being in school concerts and stuff. Yeppers... tears the whole time.

Oh, and that last sentence of my original post to this thread? Yeah... I'd say that also explains the tears at the concert tonight. Plus I'm a sap by nature ;)

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 10:24PM
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Thanks ANYWAY?! She was either using her foot to kick herself after she said that or busy removing it from her mouth! I agree, give her the benefit of the doubt - we've all said things that didn't come out the way we intended. Even so, less than 24 hours notice means that bake sale items are probably coming from the bakery.

You're a great mom who did what any other mom would do in a time pinch. Cut yourself some slack and don't give it another moment's thought.

Hope your event was great, even with in-law issues!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 10:39PM
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You know, we should all drop the superwoman act. All women should unite and congratulate each other for taking care of ourselves once in a while rather than criticize each other. Who are we trying to impress? Each other? The kids don't care, and chances are the men don't either.

Have you all noticed that everything in this world is out of control? For instance, when I was growing up, youth league was just ballgames. Now, my girls had a "meet the team" rally, homecoming game, homecoming dance, homecomong parade... What???? Coming home from where? They haven't left home yet!! Everything is getting exaggerated into the "perfect" event. Since when do they need refreshments at the play anyway, much less homemade refreshments? Where is all of the pressure to provide our kids with the perfect experience at all times? Too much pressure. Vacations have to be some elaborate affair, with everyone dressed to provide the perfect photo opportunity. Our homes are supposed to be perfect, our kids perfect, we should excel at our job, take care of our husbands, aging parents, cook gourmet meals...Something has to give! Noone can take care of all of those things at once. Pick any one of those things to drop, or just do so-so and we are failures. Who is doing this to us?

I'm going to become an underachiever. Anyone with me? Homemade muffins my @ss. We're wearing dirty clothes all next week. Anyone want to protest with me? I'm going to call anything that I don't get done a "feminist statement". Seriously, why are we judging one another? Another woman ought to understand that we work our fingers to the bone all the time! The fact that you even remembered to bring something is remarkable. They were big, fat juicy muffins? Yum! I can be assured that they weren't cooked in a dirty kitchen by someone with shedding hair over the batter? Perfect! Bring me a muffin. I'll eat it appreciatively since grocery shopping doesn't really fit into the schedule right now. I hope that that woman is mortified right now. I'll bet your muffin sure tasted better to her than her foot.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 11:34PM
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Yep, Amy, I'm with you. Time to take a break from trying to please everyone and solving their problems. How long you think we can hold out?

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 11:46PM
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We're wearing dirty clothes all next week.


    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 11:52PM
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Time to take a break from trying to please everyone and solving their problems.

Well, you could be in the enviable position Mrs. Greenbank is in, because I don't have any problems. No, really! Honestly!

What are you looking at?

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 11:57PM
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Actually, I don't have any problems, either. My nature is to be obsessive about ensuring that everyone I know is happy and, and as much as I try, I can't accomplish that. DH, DD and I recently returned to our home state; as much as we love it here, we also returned to aging parents and friends who didn't always make the best decisions in life and are living the consequences. Bottom line--I feel guilty for being blessed with a wonderful family, financial success and good health when many around me don't enjoy those things. Probably more than you wanted to hear--I'm glad you and Mrs. Greenbank, and many others of us, don't have any real problems at this time. I guess you just did a great job of illustrating how a person with no problems can invent them. LOL

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 7:26AM
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I just ate a blueberry muffin from the local "food mart" aka filling station. It was really big, moist and VERY delicious. Better than any muffin I've ever made from scratch. Hmmmmm, hmmmmm good!

Next time you're required to "bake" muffins (wink, wink) go buy some and just take out of the clear wrapper! Ms. Perfect will NEVER know the difference!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 7:30AM
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Oh, c'mon Amy. Tell us what you really think.


    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 9:33AM
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Yeah, Amy, come on. Don't hold back. Let it out.

I'm gonna get her REALLY fired up, then I'm gonna leave.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 9:55AM
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Well, I think that anyone who believes that you can't be supermom just isn't trying hard enough. It should be entirely possible to act as chauffer (sp?), laundress, seamstress, chef, coach, maid, nanny, counselor, tudor and employee of the year and still greet your husband at the door with a smile and a lively sex drive. I just don't see what the problem is.

Now, that, is how you get someone fired up.

And, I'm leaving. HA!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 10:16AM
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Not to worry, young 'uns. Eventually you'll be empty nesters, where you can feather that nest any old which way and the heck with what anyone else thinks. I've just spent part of a day "babysitting" (read playing with) my two month old first grandchild; returning home to serve DH not one but two leftovers for dinner; retiring early after a soak in my airtub to read "Midas", the latest Russell Andrews novel (a great Dubya Administration bash). Ah! Life is good.

An early Happy Mothers Day to all the moms here. Enjoy your own moms while you have them. Enjoy your children. Time goes by faster and faster. The irritants fade with time anyway. Make good memories.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 10:38AM
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Anyone care to admit they have let the doorbell go unanswered because your house was a disaster? Not saying I ever have, but just wondering;) And just for the record, I am always wearing dirty.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 10:42AM
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Your supposed to fill in the blank there, LOL! Clean underwear, of course!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 10:48AM
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Ok... I'm done obsessing about the appropriateness (sp?) of the muffin-nazi woman, and have moved on to the fact that my MIL left a message last night on the machine saying "Make sure you have noodles, I'm bringing spaghetti for dinner tonight after the concert." Nevermind the fact that I told her we were having stuffed cabbage, and nevermind the fact that everytime she comes here she feels the need to bring dinner (a nice gesture, and I understand where she's coming from and that she wants to give us a taste of "home" since we moved away), but I TOLD her dinner was taken care of. Ugggg. Well, we'll have to freeze the spaghetti because I'm not freezing the cabbage.

I'm not trying to be a supermom :) Really, I'm not! But who would have thought she'd transport spaghetti sauce on a 4 hour train ride?? Especially after she knew I was making dinner. *sigh*

Oh, and I'm all for the strike thingy. As a matter of fact, this weekend I'm heading back to Detroit for a girlfriends weekend! I'll be home sometime Sunday afternoon, and DH said he'd have the house clean and laundry done. That's all the gift I need for Mother's Day!

I'll let ya know how the visit with the inlaws ends up... they're due here from the train station anytime. DH guilted his dad into driving over to pick up his mom with him. Gonna be a quiet drive back! hehe

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 10:48AM
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Hmmmmmm. I saw a cartoon about clean underwear just yesterday.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:01AM
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    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:11AM
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I second Mizzou ROTFLMAO. Spaghettios all around!

Amy, I am DROOLING over the stuft cabbage! I haven't had that in probably 15 years. (Polish Step-Grandparents) So why don't you have the Spaghetti, and I'll just arrange Fedex to stop by your place.

Happy Mom's Day to all of you Moms, whether the beasts of the field or beasts of the backyard. We do love all our little critters. Mine are taking me to the Holland Tulip Festival. Yippee, we got a hotel with an indoor pool.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 1:24PM
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Have I mentioned that I'm feeling a little edgy lately? I think that I have been switched into permanent rant mode. :( Sorry.

By the way Mizzou, I'm ready to fight someone. Might as well be you!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:52PM
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Brittta (et al):
I just received this in an email. Thought I'd pass it along for those who haven't seen it.
Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
they don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried Playdough
doesn't come out of shag carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask, "Why me?"
and get their answer when a little voice says,
"because I love you best."

Real Mothers know that a child's growth is
not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of
Mama to Mommy to Mom...

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 10:54AM
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This has not been a good week for me! I needed that one, okwriter... I've been sad/crying all morning. (BTW, the concert and visit w/in-laws went great). Today for sharing day at kid #1 kindergarten the theme was "Something special about mom" (for Mother's Day, I'm sure). My son didn't take anything in!! He said "Too bad it wasn't something special about dad... I could take in our swimming goggles". I was crushed. So I ask kid #2 if we do any fun stuff and he said "Sometimes you make cleaning fun, and sometimes I like it when you let me drive the shopping cart"... and I thought to myself that I just do boring old everyday stuff with my kids, and save the park and fun stuff for when dad's home so we can do it as a family... which they corrolate to having fun with dad. I have no idea if this is still my stupid PMS or what, but my heart physically hurts that he couldn't come up with anything special for me. We laugh and have fun every single day, but nothing stuck out enough... isn't it stupid I'm this upset about it? I know he loves the stuff we do. We are always doing stuff, and laughing when we do it. I get so much quality time with my kids... doing stuff, or doing nothing... we just always have fun. But it's never the "memorable" stuff... it's everyday stuff. I don't just want to blend into the woodwork, ya know?

I don't know... it's just been a bad week for the ol' self-esteem. Ever have one of those weeks??

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 12:01PM
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Britta -- I think he couldn't think of just one tangible item to take to school (like the goggles). MOM is YOU -- he couldn't take the whole package in. It's just overwhelming -- how to choose ONE THING? Mom is...MOM!
Gosh, it isn't that long ago that you and he were one package together.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 12:19PM
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Trust me, you will laugh about that someday!

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 12:21PM
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Britta, I know how you feel. I sort of get that from my kids, but then I will overhear them telling Grandparents or neighbors about something we did together without daddy. Chisue makes a very good point.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 1:02PM
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I think you're doing pretty good if you're just now starting to feel like a bad mom, Britta! I've had a great case of mommy-guilt (97% self-inflicted, of course) since I went back to work after kid #1 eight years ago! Can't tell you how many times I went to grocery store at 10:30 pm the night before to pick up cupcakes from the bakery (you know, the WAAAAAAY over done kind with 2 inches of fluff frosting that's been "frosting spray-painted" and then dusted with those sugar sprinkle-things? - no way anyone's even going to think I MADE those things!!!). Of course, I do try to home-bake the necessary stuff as much as I can, but sometimes daughter doesn't give much warning that she needs a snack/whatever to take to school: Apparently teacher appreciation is going on this week at her school. There's a "theme" for each day. "Goodies" was yesterday, all I had to send was stale vanilla wafers! Needless to say, she went sans cookies - I rationalized this by saying that the teachers didn't need a horde of "goodies" anymore than I did! However, today they were supposed to take a "sweet smelling" gift (this crazy present-fest goes on for a WHOLE WEEK!!! Imagine!) and so I made good by getting a nice basket from Bath & Body....

Oh, I could go on, but hey - I'm mostly just happy that everyone is wearing (semi) clean clothes, has brushed hair/teeth, and clean faces/hands. If we can do that everyday, it's been a success! Try to laugh at myself often. (Remember, I'm just double-wide trailer trash, after all!)

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 2:04PM
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Well, unknown to me, my DH had a "talk" with my son about the special stuff mom does everyday (while he was driving him to school). I find this out because as we're going through his projects for the day, he pulls out a packet of oatmeal from his backpack. I said "What's this?" He said "Daddy gave that to me in the car to show you make special food for me as a special mom thing." First my heart got happy because A) DH stuck up for me and tried to have my son do the "right thing"... and B) He wasn't the only kid in school to not have a special mom thing. Well, that bubble soon burst when he said "I didn't show it because I don't like oatmeal." DH took it from his leftover lunch bag from work last night, and tried to bluff it.

I'm just gonna kiss them both and call it a day. :)

I'll write more later... but now, I'm taking my kids to the park while DH is sleeping in preps for another midnight shift. Go mommy!!

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 3:28PM
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Here's a big hug from me to you. I love being a mom but sometimes it is unrewarding and painful. I homeschool our three dc which brings a whole host of issues to the table. I've been pushed to edge of insanity by my three precious children more than once and they are what I would call "average" in behavior. Of course you realize that if you homeschool your children they are supposed to be exceedingly well behaved and articulate little geniuses. Every time they act in inappropriate ways in public I cringe but I'm getting over that super mom/super child myth.

My children seem to operate with very short memories. If they were asked to share something special about me they would think back a day or two to come up with their answer. If I'd been busy or we hadn't done anything memorable in that time who knows what their idea of me might be.

Try not to obsess over your youngster's lack of ideas. You know you're a good mom - go ahead and do some memorable and fun things with your dc to create new and unforgettable memories.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 3:31PM
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I think you're a great Mom Britta--you went to the concert and you brought food like you were supposed to! Being an older Mom I use TN Lady's trick often for potlucks, because I hate to cook. But I love to bake and usually want to bring homemade baked goods to school functions but, of course, my kids want me to bring store brought cookies, etc. instead of homemade because store bought is cooler and it's old fashioned to bring homemake cookies, etc.! I bet the kids loved your muffins!

    Bookmark   June 20, 2005 at 2:53PM
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