room mate advice

sarahland3November 5, 2007

I am having some problems with my room mate and would really enjoy any tips or advice someone has to offer

I currently am living with my boyfriend and another room mate which just happens to be my boyfriends best friend. He is a lazy messy guy who only cares about himself but my S.O. thinks this will change. since we moved in he has been using our hygiene products, eating our food, and smoking marijuana and cigarettes in the house. He constantly lies about these things or says he will replace the things he uses and then doesn't. As an asthmatic person his smoking is harmful to me, and when i bring it up to him he only gets mad because i am trying to "control" him.

today im really at the end of my rope, rent is due and he is lying in bed because he doesn't have the money..yet the lease only has his name on it so i am unable to go pay it. my money is also sitting on his desk and im trusting that he will do with it what he should.

if anyone has any advice the help would be very appreciated. thank you.

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lucy

If your boyfriend's allegiance is more with his friend than you, I'd either kick 'em both out (who's actually on the lease?), or leave myself. Your BF has to step up and speak to his friend or get rid of him - your health matters! Focus on that and only 1-2 other issues rather than dragging in all the trivial stuff (as he'll see it) and it'll be more meaningful.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2007 at 7:30PM
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    Bookmark   November 6, 2007 at 4:18AM
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moonshadow

omg, boboolio, go away.

sarahland3, does the owner/landlord of the house know that you and your boyfriend have moved in? If landlord knows, you need to request that you and your boyfriend be put on lease officially to cover your rear ends and LL's. Because I've had tenants like your roommate and they do not last long. If LL/owner does not know you're living there, as a landlord of houses, if I discovered that you and your boyfriend had moved into one of my houses against my knowledge or permission and without signing a lease as soon as I discovered your presence you both would promptly be invited to leave. I'm not trying to be harsh, just pointing out realities. You're heading for trouble here.

The only way you're going to be covered legally is to get on a lease. If current roommate on lease ends up getting booted, odds are you'll all three go. He's making the lot of you look bad. If you think you and your BF can manage the rent, request to be put on a lease, explain the situation. I am a firm believer in being up front in all things of this nature because being sneaky will only come back to bite you, and we're talking about the roof over your head.

    Bookmark   November 6, 2007 at 7:09AM
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quirk

"yet the lease only has his name on it so i am unable to go pay it"-- huh? why? Does the landlord not know you're living there? I somehow doubt if you show up and hand him money "November's rent for apartment 2b" he is going to send you away and tell you he will only accept money from your roommate. Go pay your rent. Now.

Second, I would disagree with moonshadow. Yes, landlord needs to know you're there and have agreed to it, and if he doesn't, you should fix that. But, don't get put on the lease; if you do, that will obligate you through the end of the lease term. You're already unhappy with your living situation, don't commit yourself to staying longer than you have to. I would think you should be looking for a new place; with or without your boyfriend as he chooses. (caveat, if you are absolutely sure you want to stay in the apartment, take moonshadow's advice and get put on the lease, as it will afford you some amount of security. but it doesn't sound like that's the case to me).

And, I know it's a bit late now, but for future reference; you're asthmatic, roommate smokes? You didn't recognize this as an issue before you moved in? It should have been discussed ahead of time and come to a mutually agreed upon solution. You can't just ignore something that's obviously going to be a conflict and expect it to magically fix itself once you move in. Never happens.

    Bookmark   November 7, 2007 at 9:49AM
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moonshadow

But, don't get put on the lease; if you do, that will obligate you through the end of the lease term. You're already unhappy with your living situation, don't commit yourself to staying longer than you have to.

There might not be a choice. If someone's living in one of my houses, they're on a lease. If not, they have to go. It's not 100% about money by a long shot, there are liability issues as well. A lease is a form of protection all around, for all involved (at least mine are).

    Bookmark   November 9, 2007 at 6:28AM
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quirk

"A lease is a form of protection all around, for all involved"-- of course they are. They are also a form of obligation, for all involved. In the OPs case, I merely suggest she consider if the protection is worth the obligation.

"There might not be a choice. If someone's living in one of my houses, they're on a lease. If not, they have to go."-- sign lease or move is still a choice, and depending on how unhappy she is living there, move might be the better choice.

I'm really not disagreeing with you on either the rights of the landlord (yes, landlord needs to know and agree to everyone living there, and yes landlord can require lease be signed by anyone who lives there) or on the fact that rentals should have leases. It's really not a good idea to move in somewhere without putting things in writing. But she's already done that. I'm just saying it doesn't sound like she's in a good living situation and it's not likely to get better, so rather than commit to it, she should consider taking advantage of the fact that she's not on the lease and move out. Once she signs the lease, that option goes away (or at least becomes a lot more problematic).

    Bookmark   November 9, 2007 at 2:15PM
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cuddlepoo

Take the opportunity to move out (with boyfriend?). Roommates are not fun in my experience. I honestly think I would rather find a cheap studio by myself if money were the issue than have a roommmate.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2007 at 5:45PM
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GammyT

Sara, RUN. Just from what you said here your boyfriend values his friend more than you.

FYI, if you wanted to, and had the money, you could pay your neighbors bills and whoever you pay wouldn't care they just want to be paid.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2007 at 5:23PM
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wolfie1812

I agree with everyone who is saying that you should leave. This does not sound like a healthy situation for you and your bf. I was in a similar situation but I ended up having to get a police escort to be able to get my belongings. The roommate ended up going snaky on me and my bf and changed the locks. Because we were not on the lease we didn't have a leg to stand on. Not that we didn't try to get on it but our room mate was weird.

If your room mate is being this inconsiderate of you now... and your bf is not sticking up for your rights you should rethink your situation. I know that apartments can be expensive but often, with a little looking you can find a gem that is very reasonable.

Keep us posted and good luck!

    Bookmark   November 15, 2007 at 4:28PM
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vacuumfreak

Yes, maybe you should get out of that situation altogether and let those two wallow with each other. For the record, I'm NOT asthmatic and smoking bothers me... that alone would be enough of a reason to get out of the situation. Obvisouly neither of them care about your health. Why doesn't the idiot get a job to help with the bills? For your boyfriend to be OK with you being in this situation AND for him to value a person like the other roomate speaks to his character... and it doesn't have very good things to say. You *COULD* get the guy in legal trouble for the drug that he is abusing if you had the desire.

Hope things get better for you!

    Bookmark   November 25, 2007 at 3:56PM
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talley_sue_nyc

actually YOU could get in trouble yourself for the illegal drug that HE is using.

I don't know if second-hand marijuana smoke could show up in a drug test, but if it does, that could cause you problems.

And if he is ever arrested at home, you could be in trouble too.

I'm w/ most of the other folks here--do your best to get out as fast as you can. Even if it means not living with your boyfriend.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2007 at 2:41PM
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