roomate problems..need advice

therock111September 26, 2006

i have a roomate that im pretty good friends with. the only problem is that he has a girlfriend he spends almost all day with daily. the past 3 days he has come home for about 30 minutes a day, packs his stuff and leaves again for his girlfriends apartment, and for those 30 minutes he doesnt interact with me much. when him and his girlfriend get in a fight though, he wants to be my best friend. when we make plans, he sometimes breaks them to go to his girlfriends apt, which makes me mad but his excuse is "its my girlfriend, or he tries to say that he never officially made the plans. i told him that it sucks that we dont hang out or do things that much, but he says we shouldnt have to do things or hang out to maintain a friendship. i kind of disagree with that. i want to make it so he notices that at the age of 20, a girlfriend shouldnt run your life, and that being with someone 22 out of the 24 hours in a day isnt the healthiest thing 4 days in a row, and that he should make time for his other friends. i want to become better friends with this kid, but i feel the whole girlfriend thing runs his life, and puts limits on what we can do. im wondering what approach i should take. i have kind of made up my mind that im not going to put effort into making plans or try to hang out with him anymore, and just let him do his own thing and kind of come to me, but i dont know if thats the right thing to do. i talked to him about the situation and he thinks i want to hang out all day everyday, which isnt the case, i just want to do somethin with a friend, who is also the roomate once in a while. advice please on how to get this whipped kid's brain back in his head

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judi_e

You're coming off like a jealous lover man. If he wants to spend 24 hours a day, EVERY day with her there isn't anything you can do about it. And his age has nothing to do with it, I know people in there 30s who are still like this.

Back off, stop nagging him like a possessive girlfriend would, and get on with your life.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2006 at 7:18AM
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over_n_under

Your friend is your 'friend'. Your roommate is your 'roommate'. Neither of which are your 'partner'. If you moved in with this person so you could have a companion, you made a mistake.

Perhaps you should take a different perspective. You have an apartment that two could live in, but really only one is there, but you still only have to pay half of the rent.

And try to find yourself some new friends.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2006 at 12:27PM
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talley_sue_nyc

It sounds like you two have diff ideas of what a roommate is. His idea is, a roommate is the person who lives in your apartment w/ you, and you should be pleasant to one another and occasionally friendly

You consider him to be a good friend, and would like to be better friends.

I have a feeling he doesn't agree.

I think you are the one who needs to change the definition. Go find some other friends, ones who have a little time for you.

Just because he lives in the same home as you doesn't automatically translate into being great friends.

Even better, find a girlfriend.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2006 at 12:30PM
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hiddeninthemist

If he breaks plans with you with this girlfriend 10 to 1 he'll break plans with you with his next GF. My ex best friend she was like a sister to me, I seen her come and go with BFs we were never roommates but what upset me the most was when we made plans then she would change them in a blink of an eye for her so call bfs at the time. Its like leaving someone high and dry. Take it from me find yourself some new friends around your area. It could be worst, as long as he is paying his rent and she hasnt moved in where you have to see her face everyday consider yourself lucky. When they get into a fight - Disappear!

    Bookmark   September 26, 2006 at 12:48PM
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patti43

It isn't very nice to break plans just because something (or someone) better comes along. However, there are times being alone must be pretty nice. I agree with the others. Make friends at work and hang with them. I don't know how much younger the "kid" is than you, but if there's a large age gap, that could be the problem. Good luck!

    Bookmark   September 29, 2006 at 10:01PM
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sue36

Just because he would rather spend his time with his girlfriend than with you does not mean he is "whipped". Until I got to the last line I thought the poster was a girl jealous about her male roommate's spending so much time with his girlfriend.

    Bookmark   October 1, 2006 at 11:22PM
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