uncomfortable situation with upstairs neighbors

midnightand2August 4, 2005

I live in a house in which the attic has been converted into an upstairs apartment. My neighbor is nice but her boyfriend stays over often. That usually isn't a problem but her bedroom is directly over mine so whenever they are having sexual intercourse I can hear it pretty much. Of course this can be pretty annoying (and loud)when I am trying to go to sleep and I'm not sure what I should do about it. I mean it is a delicate issue and not something that I generally want to have to confront her about because I don't know what to say. I think that I have a right to a decent's night's sleep without having to hear the squeaking of their bed at night, but I know she has the right to do what she wants. I need some advice about how to approach the situation. Right now I'm trying to avoid it by staying out of my room until I know they are asleep but I don't think that's fair to me or something I can continue to do for long since I still have 10 months left on my lease.

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Have you considered getting some sound effects off the net? Play them at top volume during or after the "activity"

Loud applause and cheers
Olympic style scoring
Dogs barking
Heavy artillery duels

    Bookmark   August 4, 2005 at 9:40PM
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look at it less antagonistically.

She might be MORTIFIED if she knew; consider that your alerting her (not "confronting") might be a FRIENDLY thing to do. Surely she doesn't want you to know every "move" she makes? Especially in that arena?

And remember that she may have NO idea they can be heard downstairs. She's not deliberately doing this to you.

It's true you have the right, etc. But start to think about it less from YOUR point of view, and more from hers, and you might not find it as awkward.

At the least, it'll make you less confrontational when you *do* bring it up, and she won't feel attacked and defensive.

Good luck! (I haven't figured out yet what to do when the bed squeaks. Bcs even NEW beds squeak!)

    Bookmark   August 8, 2005 at 11:03AM
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I had the same problem in college. My solution was a box fan that I ran in the room on medium. Created a nice white noise that blocked out my nieghbors talking, and umm, recreating. ;) Also helped drawn out regular noises like car doors slamming, people going up and down stairs, etc.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2005 at 4:50PM
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Yeah, unfortunately, this isn't something you can really "confront" her with (I mean, unless they're being REALLY obnoxious) and it's embarrassing to bring it up for both of you. I have a feeling the only thing you can do is ear plugs, white noise, and a sense of humor!

    Bookmark   August 19, 2005 at 5:26PM
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Time it just right - when they are at the peak and having the most fun bang on the ceiling with a 2 by 4...that way they will never enjoy sex...hahahahha

    Bookmark   September 18, 2005 at 5:27PM
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My old roomate and I were in a similar situation only instead of having a ceiling and carpeting insulation and pipes to sull the noise a bit, all we had was one thin wall between each other. Our solution... when one of us was being extremely loud, the other would grab their significant other and have a little competition. It made what could have been an uncomfortable situation quite fun.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2005 at 7:08PM
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I feel for you. We've had the same problem with our neighbor only it wasn't just her and her boyfriend....it was a steady stream of strange men. As in several at the same time. I about died one night when the banging of the headboard FINALLY stopped. Just as I was about to heave a sigh of relief, I heard a loud "My turn!" of a different male voice. I slept on the couch until my husband came home from work and found me there. He thought the whole thing was hilarous. I told him next time I'll be sorely tempted to call the cops if they carry on that loudly again. This was definately much more than just a "squeaking" problem, more like a pounding on the walls and ceiling.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2005 at 4:36PM
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This is so funny. I own a duplex and live in fear that my tenant will ever hear us.

Just tell her, she probably has no idea. Or say, I have something to show you. Take her to your bedroom, you go to hers, and do your best Meg Ryan, When Harry Met Sally.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2005 at 1:43AM
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I lived in a townhouse where we could hear the neighbor going to the bathroom. Consider yourself lucky.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 1:52PM
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Since my original post, I have taken some of your advice and learned to adjust to my neigbhors upstairs. Because their sexual events haven't been happening to often these past couple of months, I have learned to deal with it. The problem lies with the fact that there isn't a good sound barrier between us. I can almost hear everything they do up there, including talking. Which makes me wonder how much of our lives downstairs can they hear.
Anyway, recently they had sex at 5:30am waking me up from my sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping lately, so it really upset me that when I finally got to sleep, I was awakened a couple of hours later. I've learned to deal with their sexual events before I went to sleep but having them wake me up, I can't handle that, especially during the week when I have to get up early in the morning anyway.
I understand their point of view in this situation. Which is one of the reasons why i havent said anything about it yet. However, I feel like i'm trying to deal with the whole situation as best I can, but 5:30am romps is beyond my ability to deal. And at that point they need to be told about this so that they can compromise with me. We both live here and we both have the right do our own thing but at some point I can't be the only person actively trying to deal with this situation.
Any suggestions.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2005 at 9:28AM
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I think what you just said is about perfect. You compromise by just dealing with it when you're awake but you shouldn't be kept from sleeping by their activities. You could either nicely tell her this directly or if you aren't comfortable with that, speak to the landlord. If she knows that her bedroom is directly above your's then she needs to either keep it down or move it elsewhere in the apartment during hours that you are likely sleeping. When living in an apartment, a person's right to do their own thing only goes until it impinges on someone else's rights. Besides, if the boyfriend doesn't live there, maybe they need to plan on spending their wild nights at his place.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2005 at 4:14PM
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I was wondering if anyone with noise problems has had any luck in getting their landlords to soundproof their ceiling or the upstairs apartment's floors.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2005 at 5:49PM
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On the Flooring forum you say YOU are the upstairs person. Did you switch?

    Bookmark   November 12, 2005 at 5:47PM
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No, I didn't switch. I just thought it would be easier to speak in first person about it on that forum, and I would get more feedback about the simpliest thing that they could do (the people upstairs) when talking to them about trying to help the situation.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 10:12AM
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