upstairs neighbor trying to be quiet

inalienablerightsJuly 10, 2006

I am very happy I found this forum, and from the posts Ive looked at IÂve decided that close living quarters are a hotspot for drama and frustration, so my situation is in no way unique.

What does one do when they feel as if they have done everything possible to appease their downstairs neighbors, and they still hate you. There have been some complaints my neighbors weighed against me and my boyfriend, and they have been legitimate, though they were committed with no malice, and we have taken swift and immediate action to correct them. Things like radio and TV level, and entertaining guests were bothering my neighbors, so I put a moratorium on any guests on weeknights and opted to use my iPod when cleaning or getting ready. These seem like extreme measures to some people I know, but I really didnÂt want bad blood between us. We donÂt walk with our shoes on. We tip-toe around the house. We donÂt do laundry, shower or run the dishwasher after 8. I even made my boyfriend stop flushing the toilet after 10. I have this cool old Victorian house in a prime area downtown, and most of my friends have never been there because I fear pissing off my neighbors.

But they still hate us. They avoid seeing or talking to us like the plague, they do passive aggressive stuff like making a big mess in our shared backyard or slamming their doors really loud. I think I have been more than considerate, but there are some things I cannot do: I canÂt stop walking or talking in my house, nor should I have to. I pay $1200 a month to live there, and I should be able to LIVE. The house was built in 1889Âthere is going to be some noise coming through. I am sorry that they live downstairs, but as someone who has spent the vast majority of my life in apartments, I know that living downstairs means feeling like your in a basement and there are people walking on your ceiling. ThatÂs why I donÂt live downstairs.

My landlord has completely vindicated us, determining that the neighbors have moved from fairly legitimate complaints to just plain unbearable. They actually called him and forced him to come over because we had 7 people barbequing and playing music at 6 p.m. on a Sunday. They had been gone the entire weekend, but as soon as they got home at 6 p.m., with the sun still shining brightly, they started raving about the nerve we had to think it was okay to have "a band" (2 acoustic guitars) play in the backyard. My neighbor didnÂt even go in her house to determine if she could even hear us, instead dragging the landlord over. He was flabbergasted and really upset that she called him over such an innocent gathering. In all honesty, it was the best thing she could have done because my landlord - a third party outsider - was able to look at the scene and judge the matter. It made her look like such a weirdo.

So, IÂve basically determined she is a control freak who grew up in suburbia and has no conception of what metropolitan city living is like. I keep telling myself that there is only so much I can do, and I should continue to be as considerate as possible without forsaking my right to enjoy my home. We offered to switch apartments with them, because we are pretty easygoing and at this point I just want to remedy the situation, but they said no. I know a lot of you are bottom dwellers with neighbor complaints, and I would like to hear your opinions about what I could do to make life easier on both of us.

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This probaby doesn't help, but if I were you, I'd start walikng around with tap shoes and vacuuming the rug at 3 AM. These jerks are never going to be happy... seems like nothing you can do is going to make them happy. You've gone above and beyond, and they still aren't appeased so I recommend that you go on living your life and forget they exist.

    Bookmark   July 11, 2006 at 2:23AM
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I think I'd try to work some sort of compromise. Maybe engage your landlord as a mediator, since he seems to understand your plight. The three of you meet- face to face- and try to work something out. Maybe they could come to some understanding of how hard you are trying to appease them.

    Bookmark   July 11, 2006 at 5:18PM
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i wish i had an upstairs neighbor like you! You have obviously made a conscious effort to be considerate. As a tenant beneath loud, child having ignoramous' you are a breath of fresh air. Just let her keep making herself look stupid and you'll turn out the innocent one, as you are.

    Bookmark   July 13, 2006 at 2:26AM
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Flush the toilet (that one's going beyond the call of duty), have your friends over. Live your life and don't bother about the neighbor. You've done your best.

Only a deaf person can go thru their life without ever hearing their neighbors' activities. Anyone who can't deal shd get a cabin in the Rockies.

    Bookmark   July 14, 2006 at 12:40PM
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Yup, I agree! Flush your toilet, have showers when you feel like it. Invite your friends over. As my 8 year old would say "Tough Nugeys" to them. They don't like it, then so be it! You pay rent the same as they do. I'm sure they feel as though they can do it all and you can't say a thing! So adopt their attitude!

    Bookmark   July 15, 2006 at 2:13AM
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