Is my roommate being unreasonable?

dpdave73March 7, 2007

I've been living with my roommate for a little more than two years now. He doesn't go to be untill about 2am and then he gets up at about noon. I personally don't care but about a few weeks ago a friend of mine was down on her luck and needed a place to stay. I asked my roommate before saying yes to having her sleep on the couch. I assumed that it would be an inconvience for everyone involved but that we could all get along for the few weeks that she needed to get herself situated. Last night my roommate made the request that between midnight and 7am be quiet time. Upon clairification, it was determined that this must include flushing of the toilet. It's not like my friend who's sleeping on the couch is playing music at 6am or anything. This just seems really over the top to me. I know that there must be something else going on here but I don't think that delving into it will help. Any thoughts?

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Well,number one is,as long as your room-mate pays his share of the bills,it really isnt your business what time he goes to bed or gets up. Unless he does something to disturb you during that time,which you didnt say.

You have to understand his feelings about someone else who is NOT on the lease.And I dont know what kind of lease you have,but usually any "visitors" over two weeks are a violation.A breach of the lease.So,depending how long this person stays,your room mate COULD make it an issue if pushed.(depending on whether or not he is on the lease as well-?)
Sounds like your room mate is being a little an*l retentive about the not even flushing a toilet though.Ask him if he'd rather wake up to a log floating in the toilet then.
I think calmly sitting down and asking him if this visitor is bothering him is a good idea.Otherwise,pent up annoyance could end up causing some trouble.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 6:10AM
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Definitely sounds like your roommate has tired of the guest, and is pushing to ridiculous limits (banning night time toilet flushing) to make her so uncomfortable she'll leave. coolmama is correct about extended visitors often being a violation, or at the very least frowned upon. Depending on the law where you're at, a stay of more than a couple weeks can constitute legal residency status, and a 'resident' who is not named on the lease and is not contributing to rent only leaves the landlord open to potential liability, other legal issues and headaches in general.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 8:02AM
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Ok, let me be the voice of dissent. I rent out a room in my house, so I have a roommate. The bathroom is directly across from the room I rent. No one has ever asked, but I actually do try to avoid flushing while roommate is sleeping (depending on what I do in there, but realistically unless you're sick, most nighttime bathroom trips don't result in "logs floating"...). A flushing toilet is definitely loud enough to wake up a relatively light sleeper nearby. If your friend makes frequent nighttime bathroom trips, and the bathroom is near your roommate's bedroom, yes it is possible that his sleep is being disturbed by the toilet flushing. Would it really hurt anything to humor him and not flush in the middle of the night as long as it's just pee?

It's also possible that he's just tired of her being there and not assertive enough to come out and say it. Might want to figure out if that's it, cause if it is, her getting her own place will probably be the only way to resolve his issues. Has she been there longer than you anticipated when he agreed for her to move in?

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 9:03AM
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Thanks for the replies. Let me address a couple of points that have been brought up. I'm the only one on the lease. According to her, she only using the restroom when she wakes up at 6am. At this point she's not been there longer than I had discussed with my roommate.

Obviously, I need to find out what's really going on with him though. I'm wonding if he's put up with me for these couple of years because I'm not there most of the time.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 10:48AM
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Maybe he doesn't like her and is concerned that she is going to move in permanently?

You said- "I'm wondering if he's put up with me for these couple of years because I'm not there most of the time."

Your not being there much might be one of the reasons he stays. Some people need more privacy than others. Maybe he is uncomfortable sharing your place with a female?

Don't know how big your place is, but its possible that he would like to watch tv and can't because she is in there. Could she be using (hogging) the bathroom, living room, kitchen, etc when he wants to use them?

Years ago I had a roommate who's boyfriend was over ALL the time. He would hang out even when she was at work. I would want to watch tv in the living room at night after work but couldn't because HE was in there. He was a nice person, he just never went home.

I eventually moved out and got my own place.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 5:59PM
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I think dreamgarden hit the nail on the head.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 6:03PM
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I too think your roommate is grasping at straws with the toilet flushing thing.

Your friend is there, sleeping on the couch. He pays rent but if she is sleeping on the couch he can't sit on it and has to tip toe around.

I feel for him. I love my daughters fiance like a son, I am glad he crashes here when he is too tired to drive home. BUT it is a pain at the same time because come 6 or 6:30 am I want coffee and the dog wants out. I want to sit on the couch and watch the morning news with my coffee, and I can't.

Your roommate is paying his rent, your non rent paying friend is in his paid for space.

Take your pick, a roommate of two years or a friend who cant pay rent. If the friend is a real friend she will understand and leave.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 7:08PM
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A house guest is like fish..after a few days they begin to stink up the place. There has to be somewhere else she can go.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2007 at 12:38AM
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coolmama said: "I think dreamgarden hit the nail on the head."


    Bookmark   March 8, 2007 at 4:16PM
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