Entitled (lazy) roommate w/ ? behavior towards GF

justanotherguyJanuary 8, 2007

Ill try to make this short lol

I bought the house I live in co-op with my parents because my credit isnt great, we bought it as a fixer-upper and I was the fixer and upper. I was also working 40 hours a week at the time to pay my half. A roommate also moved in which alleviated all pressure from my parents other than their name on the mortgage so all was fine. If the bottom fell out we could sell the house and they would be no worse off since the value greatly increased. (REAL fixer upper)

Eventually that roommate moved out. I had a friend of a couple years who wanted to move in. When he moved in a year ago it was understood that the living arrangement is just like an apt would be, everything half and half. Cleaning, yardwork, whatever, we share. We dont share food or anything personal, but we are supposed to share house supplies like TP, light bulbs, etc. Bills, and needed home repairs are covered by his rent and generally repairs are fixed by me anyway. For a few months now I have been out of official work, Ive been doing odd jobs to cover the bills. Main point about that is, no extra financial strain has been placed on him at all and the living situation is secure. So thats the basic scenario.

Since I havent been working an official 40 hours a week, he has felt entitled in the sense that he doesnt have to do any work around here. This covers anything from yardwork to vacuuming to dusting. The way he sees it is if he doesnt make the mess he doesnt clean it, and obviously this only covers pop cans, plates, and well thats really about it. He thinks that because I dont work 40 hours at a job it means I should deal with those things. Like, if I work 20 hours and cover my bills, I should spend 20 hours cleaning, and whatever is left over he will help with. A month ago we got over a foot of snow dumped on us and he expected me to shovel his half of the driveway too. Just before the snow, he even came out and told me that he hadnt cleaned anything for a month just to see how much I cleaned and he wasnt happy with my cleaning performance because the place wasnt spotless. Obviously he thinks I am his maid (in case you are wondering there is no extra relationship here). So this issue has come up between the two of us already and he maintains that he doesnt need to do anything.

Kick him out already? I know what the answer is, but for some reason I just need to hear it from some unbiased people first I guess. It sucks because we were friends before hand, but I cant allow myself to be walked all over just for mortgage help.

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It sounds like you had a very specific agreement from the beginning. If you have discussed it again (like, for instance, when he came out while you were shoveling) and you told him unambiguously that he was not holding up his end of the bargain -- and he still just stood there and smirked -- then yes, KICK HIM OUT!

Not only is he being irresponsible, but obnoxious as well.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2007 at 9:51PM
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I wouldn't kick him out but I wouldn't do more than half the work. Leave snow on hhis side of the driveway, don't clean up everything.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2007 at 10:06PM
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nfllifer, Ive actually done that to the point where I couldnt take it anymore. Like I said he picks up after himself, but thats it. Its like he lives with his parents or something and absolutely nothing extra is expected of him so long as he doesnt get in their way.

I typed so much I forgot the second half of my thread title. He makes weird comments to my gf. Like them moving in together and forgetting me, or calling her his girlfriend. Im not worried because she would never go with him, but its become weird enough to her to add a whole extra level to the uneasiness in the house. These comments are never made in front of me of course.

Like I said before, we were friends before and Im just too nice to kick him out without 'the major incident' or something along those lines. In my mind its hard to justify kicking someone out when nothing super major happened even though I know its time.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2007 at 10:42PM
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If you don't tell him that it is not working out, and ask him to leave it sounds like it will be your girlfriend who will end up leaving - not to be with him, but to get away from him.

If he is creeping her out with his bizaar comments, she will stop coming around and will blame you for not sticking up for her, and confronting him about his behavior towards her.

It sounds like he does not respect you.

From what you wrote it sounds like you only have a verbal agreement for him to stay there. You may have to have a lawyer draw up something to get him to vacate. You can't just toss someone's stuff out on the sidewalk and even if you sit down and talk to him he may just dig in and decide to stay put. He obviously has ignored everything else you have requested of him.

Talk to a lawyer or tenants rights group to get everything in order BEFORE you talk to him about leaving. Otherwise things could get hairy.

Did you ever have him sign anything before he moved in? A lease? A rental agreement? It's sometimes tougher to get rid of somebody without anything on paper defining their rights and responsibilities. I mean, legally, if you do not have anything on paper he could decide to stop paying rent and continue to live there.

Being a landlord is tough. Being a landlord who is living as a roommate with a tenent is tougher. You need a lawyer.

You can probably find a new roommate, and next time have them sign something before moving in.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2007 at 3:00AM
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He's creeping out your girlfriend. Is that "major" enough? It would be for me!

But for him to not do his share of cleaning the bathroom, etc.? Out of line. It would be eoough on its own to tell him to leave.

So, that's two reasons. Tell him to leave. If you must, line someone else up before he leaves, so you don't have to be without the income. You'll need to give him a full month's notice; you might want to talk to a housing lawyer to help you decide if you need to give him something in writing, registered mail.

If you want to be nice, you can give him two month's notice.

Though you're not officially working 40 hours, you're doing SOMETHING, right? Looking for work, planning your new business, going to school? And if you're not, you probably should be, right? You should be spending 30 hours at whatever it is you now "do."

And next time, yes, have them sign something. AND, come up w/ a schedule of who will *clean* what.

Everybody picks up their own mess; everybody cleans the living room after they have a party. But have a schedule for who cleans the bathroom when, who dusts when, who scrubs down the kitchen when.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2007 at 2:43PM
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I agree with everyone else. Either it's time to change or time to go. Even stay at home mothers don't put up with (well, most) men not doing some of the chores. It's too big of a job to maintain for one person, esp. if two live there and are adults.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2007 at 5:08PM
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I would have a little sit down. Explain this living arangment is not working for you anymore and that you would appreciate him moving out. Tell him he's still a great guy and you still want to be friends, just would prefer not to have him as a roomate.

I wouldn't get into the paticulars as that will most likely lead to an argument. You don't need an excuse and just telling him you want him out should be enough.

I wouldn't be that worried about your friendship anymore. If he moves and you can keep the relationship great. If not this type of behavior doesn't sound like a friend you need.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2007 at 10:19PM
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Kick him out...You never really know someone until you live together.You have found out your friend is an obnoxious immature butthole who hits on your girlfriend. With friends like these,who needs enemies?

    Bookmark   January 10, 2007 at 2:26AM
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I bet he also feels that, since you're out of full-time work, you *need* him and his rent money, and he can get away with not doing stuff.

Time to figure out how to get along without him.

    Bookmark   January 10, 2007 at 10:51AM
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Talking weird to your girlfriend would be the clincher for me. If he signed anything, he might have legal ground to stand on. Otherwise, I'd ask him to leave right away. And change the locks.

Sometimes good friends don't make the best roommates. I knew a girl who bought a double and let her best friend move in. They are no longer friends because she quit paying rent and then trashed the place when she moved out.

One of the best roommates I ever had was not a close friend. Just a neighbor I lived next door to at an apt building we both rented at. We decided to cut our expenses and share a two bedroom double. We had different schedules and tastes so we knew it would be more likely to work out than if we were running into each other all the time.

We posted a list of what chores were supposed to be done and how often. One week one of us would clean the kitchen, the other would do the bathroom. We switched off every weekend so no one was stuck with the dirtiest jobs. If either of us dirtied dishes, we washed them right away. They weren't allowed to be left in the sink. We bought our own food and split the shelves down the middle so there were no mistakes about what belonged to who. If one cooked and both enjoyed the meal, the other one did dishes. When we had friends over, we had rules about how long they could stay over. No one wanted to come home and have to stay in their room to get privacy because the other roommates boyfriend was around every night of the week hogging the living room.

The bottom line was that we had respect for each other.

Speaking of respect, you might want to consider moving any important valuables you care about into your parents place until the situation is resolved. If he is acting weird to your girlfriend, who knows what he might do on the way out? It would be a good idea to do this BEFORE you tell him to leave. Good luck.

    Bookmark   January 14, 2007 at 2:14PM
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I am in a roommate situation now similar the post right before mine. We split chores, make sure our guests don't intrude each other's space (for example, I am making arrangments to be out of the apartment Saturday night so he can have his friend over, and it's not something I have to do every Saturday night; plus on some weekend nights he made arrangments to stay at his friend's house, so I could bring someone home), and the layout of the apartment (bedrooms on opposite ends) lends itself well to a two-person arrangement. I was not really friends with the person; I knew him through my part-time job, so that worked out much better than the situation I endured right after college when I asked a buddy of mine to move in. We knew each other too well: disaster, plus neither of us were mature enough (we were in our early twenties) to make concessions.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2007 at 7:52AM
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