Our neighbors hate us because my wife is a noise complainer

mcalcagnoJanuary 2, 2008

I'm not sure why certain things bother my wife so much, but I can tell apartment living is not for her. We have been in apartments since 2003. We are in our 20's, but she acts like the old lady all of the time. We have lived in 3 different apartments and last year were transfered for free to a new apartment because my wife kept have conflicts with our neighbors over noise. Of course now we are viewed as the trouble tenants because of all of my wife's complaints.

Yesterday she got tired of our downstairs neighbors music so she went down and asked her to turn it down. Today on my drive home she calls me saying they called the cops on her for "threatening" our neighbor yesterday, so when I got home the neighbor stopped me to chat about it. turns out it was my wife who called the cops on her today for noise, but tried to cover it up by lying to me. I checked the cell phone usage adn sure enough she called the cops!

So I just had to go down and apologize #1 for my wife's behavior and #2 for calling him a liar and saying they called the cops on my wife.

The rental office already hates us because of all of her complaints and now im scared we will be evicted.

I confronted my wife and told her the lies need to stop and she needs to get over this constant complaining stuff. She's now not talking to me, embarrassed I called her out on it.

Sorry, just had to vent from the other side

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Sounds like you've got problems that go beyond noise intolerance and maybe need some counselling together to sort out your 'personalities' and dynamics of your relationship!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2008 at 10:05PM
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Can your wife explain to you why the noise of her neighbors bothers her so much? Is she one of those people who just doesn't want to hear any noise that is not made by her? Perhaps you need to look into renting a house or saving up to buy a house, if she really can't figure out a way to cope with other people's noise. Does she just not like living in an apartment and this is how she vents her displeasure? If the levels of noise from the other apartments are reasonable, she does need to accept that the price of living where you do is putting up with this noise. If you are seriously in jeopardy of being evicted, does she have a plan as to where you will live?

Have you tried anything to minimize the noise in your apartment? Has your wife tried noise-canceling headphones, a white noise machine, earplugs, playing her own music just loud enough to block the sound of music from the neighboring apartment?

She should not be calling the police for normal day-to-day living noises. I'm afraid this problem may go deeper than help on a forum can go. As the PP said, counseling may be the way to go. In the meantime, try to find ways to either get your wife out of the apartment during the day and block incoming noise while she's there.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2008 at 1:18PM
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some people just aren't cut out for living in an apartment

I did when I was younger, but I could not do it now

sounds like your wife has other problems, though

    Bookmark   January 20, 2008 at 5:10PM
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you know they make some nice yellow pills that would really help your wife.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2008 at 8:05PM
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...called the cops.

for a noise violation during waking hours?

we have names for busy-bodies like that. so do the cops. none of them are polite.

the landlords have moved you? that's amazingly considerate of them, and it's a good guess that no, there isn't anywhere else TO move you to.

as a country kid, I can appreciate the annoyance of hearing noises I'm not making...but your wife has the manners of a 4 year old, thinking she has the right to inflict it on other people - and you're something of a chump for letting her get away with it for so long.

I'm not pro-therapy, normally - but it sure sounds like both of you need to talk to a grownup - on your own, and as a couple - it's that, or move out into the boondocks (only to find out your wife isn't content there, either)

    Bookmark   February 8, 2008 at 12:22PM
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How come your wife is home all day and has the time to be that annoyed? Is she bored? Maybe she should get a job or if she has kids --how come she isn't taking them to the park or classes? Maybe she should volunteer at school as an aide if you have kids. She needs to be out of the house more. Is she busy cooking and cleaning all day? Encourage her to do more with her day and get out and get some exercise.

    Bookmark   February 8, 2008 at 9:47PM
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The OP's wife might have some anxiety issues, depression, sensory overload, who knows. It would benefit to find out why she's been doing what she has, moving to a house might not be the solution. If whatever is bothering her isn't resolved she might target the next door neighbors.

And why is he 'somewhat of a chump for letting her get away with it'? "letting" would imply he's 'allowing' her to behave certain ways and should be prohibiting her from certain behavior. Which amounts to being controlling. Controlling behavior is a problem in and of itself when it's a factor in a relationship.

    Bookmark   February 9, 2008 at 1:41PM
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Two adults should have no 'allowing' or 'letting' issues at all between them - neither has any more right to allow the other to do anything than they do themselves - they're not parents!

    Bookmark   February 9, 2008 at 3:25PM
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mcalcagno, you had no choice but to call your wife out on this.

I have no idea what to suggest to you. I spent 14 years as a resident manager. My guess is you wont be evicted but your lease will not be renewed.

From what you said here it sounds like your wife needs counseling on her lieing and noise issues, and you both need marriage counseling.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2008 at 5:40PM
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You're in your 20's, you already have caught your wife lying to you (about the police I might add), and you see how she's turning batty.

End it before it's too late.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2008 at 5:56PM
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moonshadow - while I appreciate the very 80's concept of independence, I've found that a mature relationship does involve a certain amount of responsibility for one another-even if it's something as simple as me getting my husband out of bed on time in the morning, or him reminding me to pick up after myself in the garden. on another level, there are plenty of people out there who only thrive when they have some sort of control placed on them...and very often, they marry people who either do, or do not satisfy that need in them. it sounds like the lass would be a bit less anxious if someone was paying more careful attention to her, instead of just letting her run roughshod over everyone?

and the simple truth is that since he is being affected by his wife's behavior on both a personal level, and on a social level in his community, I think that as a responsible adult, then yes - it is his place to call his wife on her actions.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2008 at 4:24PM
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I'm not sure what the 80's have to do with it. If it's a reference to age, my viewpoint comes from someone who predates the 80's by a couple decades. ;)

'Calling her on her actions' and 'letting her get away with it' are two entirely different things, tho.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2008 at 7:02AM
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It is important to remain composed and respectful when dealing with noisy neighbors. When talking to them, contacting the landlord and police don't work, you might have to take desperate action. I ended a 6 month dispute in 4 hours. The neighbor knocked on my door at 11pm and said "I'm not too good at this stuff, but how can we work this out?" I made him miserable with the Dancing Devil CD for noisy neighbors. It worked wonders! See more info at dancingdevilcd.com

BTW - we get along just fine now.

Here is a link that might be useful: Dancing Devil CD Web Site

    Bookmark   February 29, 2008 at 1:31PM
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