New Neighbor Issues-How would you handle?

ldgman1970January 15, 2007

Hi all,

My girlfriend and I have been living in the same apartment building close to four years, the last two of which were made miserable by a noisy upstairs neighbor. When we found out that she was moving out we both jumped for joy, literally. We have both been excitedly watching people come and look at the apartment hoping and praying that we would get a decent neighbor. I was really fantasizing that we would get some young yuppie couple or maybe even a couple of graduate students.

A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend ran into a person that she knew looking at the apartment and I could tell by the expression on her face she wasn't too happy. As it turns out this guy had been the football coach for one of her boys a couple of years before and had been a little "tough" to communicate with. And guess who ends up taking the apartment? We are both a "little" jaded from our last neighbor and already we are having misgivings with the new one.

It started out with him moving in at 7:45 a.m. this past Saturday morning. Now I have moved quite a few times so I understand that this is how it goes sometimes. Could he have started later..yes...but I could deal with this and I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then, about 11:00 p.m. Saturday night we hear him, and probably his girlfriend, walking back in forth across the hardwood floors in their shoes obviously setting up things in their apartment and this goes on until a little after 1:00 a.m. I understand that when you move into a new apartment you want to set things up but common sense should tell you that walking back and forth across a hard wood floor with your shoes on at 1:00 a.m. does not make a lot of sense. And now the kicker.

At our apartment building we are all assigned a parking spots, with our neighbor and us each getting two spots. We each have one spot directly behind our building and the other two spots are located next to a couple of other buildings in our complex and require less than a minute walk. Well...our neighbor has a "Mini" and has decided that they are going to create a "third" parking spot and park their "Mini" in between our car and their other car instead of walking the dreadfully "long" walk back to the other parking spot. My girlfriend and I are obviously already irritated and this guy has only lived here three days. Any suggestions on how to approach our neighbor in a manner that wont end in me with smoke coming out of my ears and our neighbor flying through the air. I am not trying to be negative here but these early incidents don't bode well and this guy is well into his late thirties and should know better.


Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

My first thought was - Have you thought about parking your car so close to the edge of the spot that he cannot possibly put both cars in his own spot? Or, tell the property management that someone is parking their car in such a way that it is infringing on others.

But then I went back and reread your post. Is he taking over your spot? Is he dinging up your doors? Or is his behaviour just annoying you? Because if it's the latter, I think you need to seriously take a deep breath and think about whether or not you want to take on this battle. If you tick him off, he can stomp around above you and really annoy you. He has been living above you for three days and you are already getting upset with him - even on moving day. Is he so bad, or could it be you? That is not a criticism - I don't know you and don't have enough information. But sometimes people are their own worst enemy until they truly assess the situation.

    Bookmark   January 16, 2007 at 8:40AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Suggestion: write off moving day as moving day. It's a day typically filled with noise and commotion. Don't know about your area, but around here noise ordinance for outside construction work, etc. in residential areas is no noise before 8:00 a.m. So in reality you could have had a guy jack hammering in the street at 8 am and it's legal. So new tenant was all that far off as a start point. Yes, 1 a.m. is late, but maybe he had some help, or just wanted to get as much done as he could to get settled.

Parking is a different matter. If he's encroaching on your space enough to ding/dent/damage your car, then yes, say something. If you don't want to approach him, play naive, approach management. Just say 'Someone's decided to make a spot where there was none, we've been using it for years, and I'm concerned about damage to my car'. Then let it go at that , give it a few days, and see if that doesn't resolve it. If there's no change within less than a week, consider approaching him (nicely). He's barging in where he shouldn't be and if that's not nipped in the bud early, he'll soon be spoiled by the close spot and it will be a habit that has to be broken.

    Bookmark   January 16, 2007 at 9:09AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

ding his door a couple of times; he'll move his Mini.

Or, you could approach him to say, "I'm worried about your car--I'm not that great with knowing where the "points" on my car are, and I'm scared I'm going to scratch it when I pull in or out. Can you please not park there, since it isn't a spot?" Make it sound like you're trying to protect his stuff, not like you're annoyed.

Then, if he doesn't respond, ding him. He can't say you didn't warn him!

And I agree, write off moving day. If something ELSE happens (shoes all over the place on the hardwood late at night, etc.) THEN say something nicely.

    Bookmark   January 16, 2007 at 2:41PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I agree with everyone on writting off moving day. He moved from before 8am to 1 am! I'd say he needed to start that early.

I'd also agree with talley sue and say you are worried you are affraid you will ding or knick his car.

The parking story reminded me of a web site you park like an a hole. You could go there and print out a sitation leaving it on his window. He might find it funny and give him the hint or might upset him if he thinks its coming from you.

I also would take a few pictures of how he parks. This could help later.... you never know.

And lastly youth coaches are judged way to much. Typically they get no compensation and EVERY parent wants things done differently. I had a Jr. High basketball coach that no parent liked due to communication. Oddly enough years later he joined our golf course and everyone liked him. It was brought up about his coaching and he said he has to ignore parents as it would be a full time job responding to 15 sets of parents each week and impossible to make them happy.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2007 at 11:21AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

This individual seems par for the course, and one can't make a generalization about all coaches like our "expert" on this site does (we know who that is, the one who should soundproof his great properties if he is such a great landlord), who seems to hold a rather unrealistic view about much human behavior these days in the United States, rude, selfish, narcissistic, and inconsiderate.
If the noise occurs again, I would speak to the person firmly but nicely, and document. If it occurs again, start going to the landlord. And nfllifer, I hope someone stomps above your head all night.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2007 at 7:45AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Educator, why don't you actually contribute to this site.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2007 at 11:01AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Unlike some people who seem to have nothing better to do than spout off claims about history and human nature about which they nothing except hearsay, I spend most of time actually HELPING people as a teacher, not, like some people who post here, only acquiring property and renting it out to make monetary gain to lead the perfect yet ultimately selfish life. My contributions to the world don't only occur at this site. Consider my criticism of you a valuable contribution to this site and to the world.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2007 at 11:17AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I agree w/ the idea that judging someone's entire personality on one area of interaction is not always smart.

I'm sure my son's teacher is a lovely woman to live next door to, or to be in a golf club with. I'm sure the people who know her well and like her would be very surprised to hear that I think she's a royal PITA, criminally inflexible, and I resent her like crazy. i have to keep reminding myself that I only see her in the times when my son is not doing well; I don't ever see ANY of her good qualities, any of her strengths. i don't EVER have a conversation with her that isn't about how well my son isn't doing in school and why. I don't even say "nice weather" to her.

I have some ideas about what I think she ought to do (or not do) to help my son, so every single interaction I have with her filters through this dissatisfaction (dissatisfaction w/ my son, and dissatisfaction with her). I don't think she's great at communication--I think she's blaming, and abrupt, and inflexible.

She's probably none of those things.

She too acts in ways the protect her time and energy (for example, she doesn't come out of the school at drop-off time so that I *could* say "nice weather"; you have to make an appointment a week in advance to speak to her, and then you can ONLY talk to her before 7:45 a.m.). I resent the heck out of that, and I think it makes her bad at communication. If she moved into my co-op, I'd be dismayed. And she'd probably turn out to be a perfectly reasonable neighbor.

It may well be true of this former coach. Something to keep in mind. The dynamics are different.

Just as I'm sure the people who like "educator" would be surprised to hear how nasty he/she can be, without provocation.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2007 at 3:30PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Go hug a tree :)

You may feel you are an outstanding citzen/human by being a teacher. WHOOP DE WHOO!!!! You chose that profession and obviously get more of a reward from patting yourself on the back than your pay check. Its teachers like you that make me want to home school my children. You do more harm than you realize by your judging, and arrogant attidue/ ego. I hope none of your students learn that trait from you.

I provide safe, clean, affordable, and for the most part quiet homes. This is obviously a very important issue and housing is considered a bigg need. Basically I interpret your commets that anyone not parenting/ educating/ or contributing to the world in a way you deem worthy is selfish.

I do make money renting out property, and my family is financialy stable. Being financially secure I am able to donate money to multiple charities and spend hours each week as a volunteer. But that type of work and those organazations have little to no benefit to anything which means its not a WORLD contribution. Perhpas with all my money and time I will go back to become a teacher and CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!

On a side note I do teach a class every week to K-8th graders. Its called J/A and its one of the most impactfull courses todays youth will ever learn. In case your not familier with Junior Achievment, it teaches youth about personal and world finances. Something our local criculum has been falling short in. But that to, must be a waste since learning a tv isn't a need and how to save money for college/ retirment isn't important.

Why don't you check yourself in the mirror next Monday and start being a model citzen instead of talking about being one. I'm not saying you don't have an important job or don't help out todays society, but what I do is important to many others also.

Keep judging all you want, people ask for opinions and I give them my honest opinion.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2007 at 3:43PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Obviously you must perceive some grain of truth in what I say or you would not feel compelled to respond. I see through you like other never have. There's one person in the world who doesn't see you as a model citizen (whatever that means), but as rather the provincial, narrow-minded, superficial Babbitt. But then most of the ocuntry outside of the urban areas is populated with the likes of you. At leat I don't have to attempt to put some real thinking into your types: I deal with the wreckage of the public school system on a daily basis. More so than you, whose properties satisfy one person's needs ultimately: you. When you put soundproofing into your units, perhaps you might possess some back up your "whoop-de-doo" pontifications. Discussion closed. Just know, and other agree with me: your view of who you think you are is seriously distorted. Get professinal help.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2007 at 10:57AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

As an educator, you might want to take the time to re-read your post for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes.

    Bookmark   January 21, 2007 at 8:56AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Gollygwhiz, may I compliment you on the proper use of a modifying phrase to introduce the sentence? Some people end up w/ danglers there; you were perfect.

I always appreciate nfllifer's landlord perspective (which are often quite pro-tenant), his/her well-reasoned responses, and his/her friendly tone. I look forward to his/her posts.

And if I ever needed to rent an apartment or house, I'd hope to get a landlord as rational and pleasant as nfllifer.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2007 at 12:49PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Thank you. My grammar is not always perfect, however, I do not wax poetic about educating the masses while putting down nflifer's posts either. I find his/her responses to be quite reasonable as well.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2007 at 1:06PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Talley Sue.. I just saw your response about your son's teacher ( I must have been typing a response when you posted and never read the above thread) Thats terrible about the teacher but could be true as a neighbor. I myself had a horrid teacher in 4th grade, who my parents (and I) still resent. My parents half way through the year had a meeting with the principal. It helped only slightly. But she then made me sit on her lap during recess and share photos of a family trip, like we were becoming friends and she cared... nothing sexual but it still creeps me out. Best of luck getting through this year.

Don't worry about me ever leaving. I'll still express my opinion.. I'm not here to make friends just to learn and add my two cents.

I actually get a kick out of educator. No idea why he/she has so much prejudice and is so quick to judge, call out, or challenge. My views are just that, mine.

I also must apolagize for my grammer/ english/ spelling. Always been a problem while math and science was a breeze.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2007 at 9:47PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

My son's teacher is probably a fine teacher. The neighbor's granddaughter had liked her.

I wanted o make the point that my frustration with my son, and with the mere fact that the current situation (his struggling with his focus) exists, colors what I think of her. I don't think I'm completely wrong in objecting to some of the things she does, but I *know* that I feel more frustrated at her than I would if she were teaching my DD, who was a great student, esp. in 3rd grade. I overreact, basically.

So when someone hears a coach, or a teacher, is a crummy communicator, or too picky, or something, they need to remember that the PARENT can be part of the problem, because of their OWN agenda, or communication style, etc.

I know I am not communicating w/ my son's teacher in a way that's as useful as it could be. I'm tired of feeling scolded, and pressured--because there's not much I can do about it, *I* am not her student, my SON is.

(and yes, I know how pressured and scolded HE must be feeling, esp. since he gets it from both sides)

    Bookmark   January 29, 2007 at 6:20PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Nice try guys but I think responding to educator is pretty pointless. I have never read a post by him/her that was anything other than an attack on nfllifer. I used to think it was just troll behavior but it's gone on so long and so consistently it's obviously more than that. There are some serious issues there that are well beyond the scope of this forum.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2007 at 10:45PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Need help with a doorway partition
I just moved into a studio apartment and I'm looking...
music instrument playing?
I'm wondering whether or not to be worried about disturbing...
What is it with crazy people and parking spaces?
I live in an apartment otherwise known as the 'beehive'...
Apartment Owners from H**L
We live in the east in a gated apartment complex owned...
Noisy neighbor - am I being oversensitive?
Live in a townhouse next to people with two small kids...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™