unruly, ungreatful neighbors

mlb1276January 17, 2004

Howdy all, I live in a disabled housing apartment complex for the physically disabled, out away from alot of your daily places, shopping and dining. i have been here for about 6 months and everything was going great til about a month ago we had a community meeting and all H-E-double hockey sticks broke loose. cops was called that night and ever since then the community has been at each others throats & has been a place of constant fighting of neighbors,there is a handful of neighbors i do associate with and a few hands full i dont want nuttin to do with, but my problem is it took me for ever to get this place as there arent to many of them available and had to be put on a waiting list in this area, and am afraid that if i tell the land lady i am wanting to move i will not have any place to go. because there is not many disabled housing complexes in this area and i am also on limited income so that makes it even worse. what do i do?


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Who runs your disabled housing complex? Is it run by your town or state or by a private individual? If it's run by your town or state, maybe you and others can band together to complain to a person who is in a position of authority. Perhaps your police department can offer mediation services to help resolve the issues. I think there needs to be another community meeting with a person of authority taking charge of the meeting and allowing each side to speak their minds (with no fighting allowed!) with the result being that you all come to some sort of compromise.

With the constant fighting that you speak of, this is a very stressful situation and should be dealt with to bring back a sense of peace to the community. I'm sure you have a bunch of people there disagreeing with each other that is causing fights, but somehow people have to compromise.

You didn't mention what the people are fighting about, though.

With a limited income, you are limited in your choices at this point, and I do feel for you.

But if I were you, and simply because it took you so long to finally get an apartment in the disabled complex, I would wait a while to see if things improve. Somebody should get involved to bring the peace back to the complex. You have to find the right person to voice your complaints to about the situation first, then action must be taken to resolve the issues.

    Bookmark   January 17, 2004 at 1:34AM
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Okay show me state....SHOW ME!
Well, I seem a bit confused here.
So you do want to move?
Or don't?
You said and I quote,"and am afraid that if i tell the land lady i am wanting to move i will not have any place to go."
So on one hand your so sick of the b.s. that you want to go, but on the other hand if you go
there is no place to go.
THEN DON'T GO!!!!!!!!!
I repeat don't go!
Do not let some buttheads scare you, bully you or make your life hell.
You deserve to live in a safe, non-violents house.
Be it, appt, condo or cardboard box.
The uppers in charge need to be adults and see to this problem. Your local city may provide free mediation.
Local police can can down for free and do free programs on credit fraud, scams and safety.
Maybe having a few of those meeting with cops will help pave the path to forgiveness and forgetness.
What are you all fighting about anyways?
Something tells me that your fiesty....
You'll be okay....but sleep on it for 3 days no rash choices...EVER!

    Bookmark   January 17, 2004 at 11:49AM
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The following resources provide landlord-tenant information or assistance.
In your local phone book:
Check the Government pages for "Housing" listings.
Check the City pages for "Landlord-Tenant" listings.
If your phone book has Community Service pages, look for "Tenants Union" and "Volunteer Legal Assistance."
In the State section, look up your Attorney General's office; call and ask for the Consumer Protection division or a Landlord-Tenant specialist.
Look up the main number for your city or county government to learn about specific local laws.
In the City pages, look up the Department of Construction and Land Use.
For federally assisted housing, go to the "U.S. Government" pages for the number of Housing and Urban Development.
On the Internet:
For links to the Attorney General's office of all 50 states, go to http://directory.tenantsunion.org.
Do a browser search using the keywords "landlord tenant [your state]" or "attorney general [your state]."
Look up your state Web site and follow links for Landlord-Tenant, Consumer Protection, or Attorney General.
Order information on landlord-tenant issues from nolo.com at http://www.nolo.com/product/lt_sub74.html.
If you live in federally assisted housing, see http://www.hud.gov/fha/mfh.

    Bookmark   January 17, 2004 at 12:15PM
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to answer your questions, this complex i am guessing is a state run complex, but dont quote me, it started as a tenents association meeting and one of our tenents thought that it was being dealt with in the wrong manner, so he voiced his opinion, quite loudly may i add, after this first meeting we had a new meeting with the landlady involved, which she called us children, the problem now is that we have two or three new neighbors that think they run the place, and are threatening restraining orders on other tenents. things are great here as long as we dont speak to or about the unruly, ungreatful neighbors. i just feel as if i cant live somewhere, where someone is threatening to place a restraining order on me for just looking at them. now days i have to answer these questions b4 talkin to anyone, 1)will they slap restraining order on me? 2) how will this one react to my associating with them?, 3)do i want the police called on me for talking to this one? 4)what does that one think of me as a person?. i will look into all the help ya have given so far.



    Bookmark   January 17, 2004 at 1:16PM
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wow, that stinks for you. You see it's always a couple bad apples spoiling the bunch.
If nothing else you can vent here, we support you 100%

    Bookmark   January 17, 2004 at 4:21PM
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I really doubt that someone can get a restraining order against you unless you are harassing a person. If you are doing nothing wrong and not bothering anyone, then don't worry about it. Don't let people bully you with threats, either.

Since it's a state-run complex, you should contact the Housing Authority office and place a complaint...and if you feel uncomfortable about revealing your identity for fear of reprisal from the people in your complex, perhaps you can make an anonymous complaint.

Like I said, nobody should be threatening you with a restraining order if you are doing nothing wrong. I think it would be best to avoid getting into any kind of arguments or negative discussions with the people you don't get along with, until you can voice your opinion at a community meeting.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2004 at 12:39AM
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kill em with kindness
Keep your friends close but enemies closer....

    Bookmark   January 18, 2004 at 10:34AM
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It's been a month. That may seem like a long time, but stuff like this CAN blow over.

However, the sane people around have to work hard at making it blow over. And they do that by IGNORING it. Blow-hard jerks can't make people miserable if people don't let them. And only the people who TRULY have power matter in situations like this. Maybe you need to find out who really DOES have power. Who DOES decide the matters under dispute? What REALLY are people fighting about? And who has power over that issue?

If what they're fighting about is how rude someone was, or whether so-and-so ought to have spoken that way, or whatever, then being a pleasant person who refuses to participate is the best thing you can do.

If the fight is about something real, such as how the yards are kept, how people are chosen as residents, when the common room is open, or whatever, then figure out who's in charge of that, quietly and politely find out what the policy will be--not what they think, etc., but what the DECISION will be--and then refuse to get into conversations about it.

Also, one thing I learned from being picked on as a kid: YOU are the one giving them the time in your brain and emotions. Don't think about it any more than you have to.

Be pleasant, refuse to engage (find some stock phrase and repeat it over and over and over--no deviation--something like "I find all the arguments to be very nonproductive, so I don't participate"). Pleasantly avoid unpleasant people and unpleasant conversations. And just get on with your life.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2004 at 1:09PM
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It sounds like the complex could use a mediation meeting if thisw crap is sitll goin gon: professional mediators usually run them and they clarify everyone's issues and remind them what their rights and responsibilities are.
the landlady was WAY out of line calling people "children" ... disabled, low income and adulthood can be found in the same person.

"the problem now is that we have two or three new neighbors that think they run the place, and are threatening restraining orders on other tenents" "where someone is threatening to place a restraining order on me for just looking at them"

"I'll get a restraining order on you and you'll be sorry" is a common threat, but it's difficult to get a "restraining order" ... the person who requests it has to had a SOLID REASON for it, and has to swear under penalty of law that they are telling the truth about the other person.

"3)do i want the police called on me for talking to this one?"
Calling the cops for inadequate reasons merely makes the cops annoyed wiht the one who makes thge calls (and htye keep track of it). And if the same couple of people are constantly calling the cops because someone said "Hi" ... the cops will have a chat with them.

the best way to deal with the few troublemakers is to ignore them: do not talk to them, respond to their threats of restraining orders, or anything.

4)what does that one think of me as a person?. i will look into all the help ya have given so far.

thanks "

    Bookmark   January 20, 2004 at 5:28PM
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