Money and Estranged Adult Children
penbyrd
15 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (77)
penbyrd
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agostargazzer
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Estrangement from special Ed Adult Son
Comments (8)Thank you for the encouragement, colleenoz. You are right...I am not crazy, just very, very concerned. No woman I have ever met would do what she has done. Living in the closet. Hating his Mom and family. Turning him into a person on welfare when it was not necessary for him to survive...he had a home, just didn't want to follow the few rules and try to grow up a bit to carry his weight. If he had met someone nice and young, he wouldv'e not been embarrassed to introduce her to me and I would be involved in their lives. He would be planning college or a job rather than where his next meal is coming from. My Ex is out for one thing...revenge. He wants to make me hurt...badly. I am not being self absorbed here. I think that this is really true. I will briefly explain: Our breakup was due to spousal abuse and I thru him in jail after hitting me one time! Then, it was out the door. He left me with two kids and no money as he had moved it all into his name. I was 'in love' and didn't pay attention thinking we were a team and he would never hurt me or the kids. I was on my feet after a year, but that was 8 years ago, my son has been raised with me, my ex had to go to AA to stop drinking and had to give up his porn. Heaven forbid...I embarrassed him! But I also made sure, after he was clean, that his boy had a relationship with him. He has already turned his back on his other son from his first marriage (something unknown to me before marrying him!). I think I am going to call adult protective services..... I think my son can talk his way through them but I will try to instill what has happened to them. Maybe they will see what I and all my doctors see...a preditor. Wish me luck and pray for us please, everyone!!...See MoreCoping with the Estrangement of Adult Children
Comments (306)naturewoman0123 Its taken me years but I’m over it and it happened rather suddenly. It was like a switch was flipped. But there was a lot of hard work. I believe it was the grace of God. But also the work I’ve done. I’ve seen the reality of who my kids are and it isn’t pretty. I’ve accepted that I don’t like who they are. I’ve also accepted the situation for what it is and not what I would like it to be. I’ve also accepted that I am unwilling to be treated without respect and gratitude. I am unwilling to accept their abuse. Text is easy and intrusive. My sons text me. My daughter does not. I texted them both that I was blocking them in text and that they would have to communicate to me through e-mail. I had a very rough week and then BOOM it was better just like that. All of this is a dysfunctional family pattern that repeats itself over and over. Remaining in the abuse prevents healing. By the work I’ve done I mean counseling, reading, listening to YouTube videos and some serious self reflecting on my family of origin and how the problem was created. Bottom line is they made a choice. A really crappy choice that is impacting every part of their lives. Every choice we make forms who we are. I can’t control that. That is between them and God and way above my pay grade. Talking to other people won’t heal you. Detaching and distancing yourself and understanding the situation will. I feel better than I have in years. If nothing happens I’m ok with that and is far preferable to what the relationship is now. They are condescending, rude, hurtful etc... They deny, diminish, dismiss, blame, project and lie. Its to justify their crappy behavior. It’s the same story over and over. I feel completely liberated. Have hope. It is possible to feel great again....See Moremothers estranged from adult children
Comments (169)It's been close to 4 years from where this all started. The disrespect from my grown son escalated to the point where I told him to leave. His anger was out of control. My ex and I were separated due to his extra marital affairs. I felt I had to jolt him back to reality but instead he went to live with his father which made things worse. I kept the doors open, texting him often, telling him I love him and telling him that I didn't want this to be a permanent thing but his anger towards me got worse. Lashed out at me towards household things that "belonged to his father". Screamed and cursed at me. Many remarks about "this is my fathers house". Telling me that I was the reason for his anger. And with each explosion, I still kept the doors open. The final straw for me was a text that he sent me saying that "im sorry that you damaged me but I will no longer be controlled and manipulated". Those words cut me so deep. I still can't get past it. I was the mother who went to extremes to make sure my kids were never damaged emotionally. The mother who wanted my kids to always see both parents sitting in the stands at their games to have that memory forever, not knowing that I made their father go to the game. The mother who protected them from knowing of their fathers first affair because I thought it was a mistake and these kids shouldn't lose respect for their dad or look at him badly. I wanted them to be proud of their parents. I would have stayed in a loveless marriage so they would always feel safe and always feel like they had a home base. And he says those words to me? I damaged him. At that point I wasn't taking anymore. All communication stopped. I thought he's not hearing from me now he will realized what he has said and done and I thought the lightbulb will go on and then he will come back and tell me he is so sorrry for that and all the undeserved disrespect. One month later I get a happy birthday text. I dont respond. The next month Merry Christmas. Again I dont respond. The remorse and apology never comes. Eventually the pleasantry text continue for both of us. Only holidays. Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday but nothing on Mothers Day. Obviously, everyone on this post understands that hurt. The day to celebrate the person who raised you, loved you, took care of you, gave you a good life and I get nothing. That's a hurt beyond words. This is the son that I was so close to. Always close to. Never could have imagined this happening. I miss my son but I feel like he needs to come back to me. I can forgive him but I can't forgive if hes not sorry and if he thinks what he did was acceptable. I won't allow him to treat me that way. At this point I feel like this is the way it is and the way it will be and I will never stop loving him in my heart and will never stop hurting in my heart....See Moremothers estranged from adult children
Comments (14)I joined just to post this since I think it will help to just put it out there. I have 3 children, a son and 2 daughters. My 21 yr. old son, the oldest, has yet again decided to cut me off. My son started to have behavioral issues somewhere around 14. At first it was manageable, but over the years things got worse. At one point he was hospitalized (involuntarily) and he also stole my car in an attempt to drive out of state to see a girl. (he did not have a driver’s license) Throughout this, his level of disrespect, anger, lying, lack of maturity and overall moody behavior grew to a point where everyone in the house walked on eggshells around him. The thing is, because of my own upbringing (see below), I refused to give up on him. I know he is smart, loving and good kid underneath the problems. We, I and my husband, were willing to stick it out while he sorted his life out, got on a path of self-reliance and moved out like all kids do. Earlier this year things came to a head. He decided that once again the rules didn’t apply to him and he stayed out all night drinking and doing drugs, neither of which are allowed in our household. We basically told him that this wasn’t acceptable and after a heated argument, he stormed out. He later called my sister and she picked him up and took him to her house, which on the surface would seem fine, but not in this case. A bit of relevant backstory- I come from a big, complicated family. 6 older siblings, a mother who ditched us when I was an infant, multiple alcoholics, multiple marriage/divorces and generally a drama filled bunch. The only sane one was my dad and he passed away when I was 17. Up until last year I had confidence, abandonment and trust issues, but only around my siblings. It was like I was a different person around them and I realized it was because I just didn’t want any drama, regardless of how it negatively affected me. Finally, at 40 yrs. old I decided enough was enough. I started standing up for myself and stopped being the push over that my dysfunctional family/siblings had grown accustomed to. This, of course, did not sit well with them. Now the specific sister who picked up my son that day has a habit of making decisions for me, being judgmental and sometimes, just downright degrading to me. We had been butting heads over me not taking crap from people any longer and she pounced on this opportunity to lash out at me. She decided it was a great time to interject her opinion into the situation. She proceeded to tell my son he could stay there for as long as he wanted, rent and rule free, basically undermining us. She then decided to come over to my home and insult me by calling me a host of vial names because I told her that she crossed a boundary and that it was not acceptable. After the barrage of insults, I told her that she was being disrespectful and she needed to leave. We have not spoken since. My son on the other hand came home after about 6 weeks because he missed us. (his words) He got a job, bought a car and things appeared to be going well. We actually thought he was on the right path and we would be helping him move into his own place in a couple of months. Then things went south again. 2 months ago he started hanging out with his old friends, he started stealing again, smoking weed, drinking and finally he got fired for calling in too much. All through this, he is growing more disrespectful to us and after he stayed out all night parting again, we told him we had enough, he would need to make arrangements to move out at the end of the month. We would no longer be providing a free ride for his party habits. What we didn’t know is that my sister had been speaking to him this whole time, telling him he could come back there, no rent, no rules. So I feel like on some level he purposely caused problems so that he could justify/blame us for having to go back to my sisters. So here we are now. His little sisters haven’t heard from him since he left, my sister and son are manipulating each other, feeding off of each other’s anger towards me and creating a mess that I frankly have no idea how to clean up. I’m left to sit here wondering how long it will take for my son to see the truth of the situation, if he ever does. I’m having an especially hard time today because tomorrow is his birthday. If I text him a simple happy birthday, I’ll get a nasty reply. (I’ve tried in the past) If I say nothing tomorrow, it will be another piece of ammo that can be thrown at me in the future. I basically can’t lose either way. I just don’t know how to move on. Some days are okay, others I’m a mess. All my old insecurities are creeping back up and I don’t know how to stop them from consuming me....See Morefuzzywuzzy
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agopenbyrd
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoathlete2010
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agopenbyrd
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoathlete2010
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofuzzywuzzy
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofuzzywuzzy
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobloobird
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobloobird
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofuzzywuzzy
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agopenbyrd
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoathlete2010
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoathlete2010
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agowanaksink
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobloobird
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobloobird
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agokhandi
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniebal
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAffynity
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agovala55
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agosandemonium
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowergardenmuse
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoneedhelp77
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoCJH Design
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoCJH Design
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoCJH Design
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoreadinglady
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoBrigitte63
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomissmyson221
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocaroline34
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNoNameMe
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoSingle Mom
6 years agoSingle Mom
6 years agolucillle
6 years agoSylvia Gordon
6 years agolucillle
6 years agoseekaskknock
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoHU-287592895
2 years ago
Related Stories
BUDGET DECORATING14 Ways to Make More Money at a Yard Sale — and Have Fun Too
Maximize profits and have a ball selling your old stuff, with these tips to help you plan, advertise and style your yard sale effectively
Full StoryOUTBUILDINGSAdults Allowed: A Poolside Playhouse Makes Room for All
Sprightly but not saccharine, this adaptable backyard structure is equally at home with the grandkids and the grown-ups
Full StoryTREE HOUSESTour a Fantastical Tree House for Kids and Adults Too
For an architect and a master woodworker, a magical tree house answers the question, ‘What would you do if you could do anything?’
Full StoryMOST POPULAR5 Remodels That Make Good Resale Value Sense — and 5 That Don’t
Find out which projects offer the best return on your investment dollars
Full StoryOUTBUILDINGS12 Fun Backyard Forts Grown-Ups Can Love, Too
Kids might use them for secret meetings, but the word is out on these tree houses and playhouses that consider adult design tastes
Full StoryKIDS’ SPACESCreative Ways to Tame the Mess in Kids’ Bedrooms
These cool storage features will keep your children’s rooms tidier — no threats or bribes required
Full StoryFUN HOUZZHouzz Call: What’s on Your Refrigerator?
Magnets, menus, children’s art, coupons, perfect-attendance certificates, song lyrics — what is fridge-worthy in your house?
Full StoryEVENTSSee the Vermont House Where Rudyard Kipling Wrote ‘The Jungle Book’
The author penned many works here, including his children’s classic, which Disney has remade into a movie
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: Innovative Home Reunites Generations Under One Roof
Parents build a bright and sunny modern house where they can age in place alongside their 3 grown children and significant others
Full StorySMALL SPACES8 Benefits of Cottage Living
Scale back to dial up your quality of life, save money and more
Full StorySponsored
athlete2010